Thoughts of a Top Cat

diss is me havin a chat wiv runty. acksherlly her real name is tosca - ha! ha! ha! she looks about as much like a glamerus poocheenee heroin as a ded rat! sose we korl her runt or runty or sometimes noo noo - dats her mummies nam four her but her mummies gon to a colleages an spends her tiem wiv a hooman calld alastairs or all der stairs or sumfin liek dat. cos it is vary vary impotant i will tell you wy i am nowne as bodger and bodge but it is to impotant to put it hear wiv runty. she's orl rite realy, we sleeps toogevva quiet alot. an we is in der garden alot toogevver. wun ov my faverit games (tee hee) is i cum up on runty wen she is sittin or sleepin in der sun in der gardin and i sniff her nicely an giv her a friendly lick or too an den i jump on her an she runs away an den i can sit wer she woz siitin cos dats just wer i wnated to sit and sleep an fings. tee hee. it is funn but it is importink to do fings liek dat wen yoo is top ckat coz yoo is top kcat. aniwey, runty jus gose a fioo feat a way an settles down again. we is ok toogevva. but she haits the kold an rane cos shes a wimp an den shese got her bleedin yoorinree problem an pisses in der hows an den she gose to unkle josh hoo givs her a jab an den she dont pee for a bit, an she has speshall food wot is acksherly quite nice. cos as top kcat i kan eet ani ov der fude. an she wont yoos der kat flap wot maks lief complikatted. cor, i is tierd owt form all dis tie-pin.