Thoughts of a Top Cat

runty hav taken to sitting and sleeping in pongy plaices. she like to sit on top of the lawndry barsk-it and sleapin on my dads' cloaths. he is not ver pleased with this cos he say she leave her furr on everything cos she orlweighs molting, runty say to me that she like a nice familiar smelly pong as it make her feel cum-four-table and she say the lawn-dry barskit is speshally luvly for this as the pong is big and doo rise up throo orl the wholes. she orlsow sit their weighting for a drink from her faverit tap wen she not in the sink.

gwen arsked ver nicely if i wood put up a picksher of her latest mouse on my blog and cos i has been told too share nicely i said ok. she said that she did try to eat it but she just was'nt that hungry and got board after the hed. she sed my dad cood have it but he just sticks them in noose paper and put them in a bag in the bin - my mum yoojooly scream when she sea a mouse, ca'nt think wye it a bit smorl too hert her. hoomans do'nt seem to eat mouses wot is a bit strainge considering orl the uther things they eat and orl the blah blah bout sumthing corled a carbon foot print and orl their is no carbon paw print if yoo eat the kills from your own guardin.

I got to play pat the frog the other nite. it was fun, it is my favrit game, but then the froggy hopped into the greeny bits and i lost it, wot was not ver nice of him and not much fun - froggies is orlweighs like that and orl i wont too doo is give them a littel pat and wotch them jump in der air and squork, then they cood then have a tern and pat me if they arsked nicely, but they is too stoopid four that.

hear is a nice picksher of mee havin a barth wot is ver good and i like ver much. i is woshin my eyes-ee-pyeses cos they get a bit saw from wen i woz ill with floo wen i lived with mr mayhew-home rspca wen i woz a teenee weenee baybee and did not no my mum and dad and bruv and sista.

Now as yoo no i is a pritty broad minded sort of cat but my dad dun scene this and i thort yoo shood sea it two cos i simply do'nt understand hooman beans at orl. (wye is this orl typing underlined????) now, my dad doo ride a bike lots and luv his bike but he orlweighs ware cothes even in summer when it is luverly and hot.

i has never scene soo menny peepel in der nuddy and i tell yoo it make me glad too bea a cat. hoomans is sad wen nuddy reely. they just has no furr just a bit on the hed (moast of them ennyway but sum not eeven their) a bit wear the legs meet and a few uther pointless bits of hare hear and their -sad. der wimmins only has too titties wear as a cat has lots and der dangly bits on der men cood get ver nasty bashed up if not careful or cort in sumthink wot i wood think cood bee ver panefull, ware as mine is nicely tucked away thank yoo. der won thing i doo think is sensible in cloaths is pockits and yoo dont get no pockits wen nuddy.

i went and had anuther look at my dads' bike (thats short four bye-sigh-kle) and looked at the little seet he has four sitting on and i think that sigh-kling in der nuddy is a ver ver bad idea four hoomans cos his seat thingy is hard and a bit pointee and if yoo went over a bump or hit a whole in the rode like wot their are lots, the pointee bit of the seet cood go up sumware ver narsty and privet, like wot i yoos wen i go too the toilet and things. my dad orlsew say that hooman laydees (thats' a posh werd for fee-mails) has more wholes their than mails down their - i do'nt no wot four cos runty dont tork about it - so they cood get intoo reel trubble riding there bikes nuddy if they hit a bump or whole. or the men cood hit the bar thing with the dangly bits. and as for the bloak on the skate bawd, well he cood reely have a narsty time!!!

i think i stick too my territtorree and sleap in the guardin to reecover from the shock of orl this.

The payrents dun fruntline on us larst weekend when danl and roses woz hear. I is not shure why they doo this, thay say cos it stopps us from getting fleas. personally, i is not bovvered by fleas and do'nt notis them but my dad doo get very cross cos they seem to bite him lots and lots. danel sez wee shud put frunt line on our dad as he gets the flea bites- hee doo not find this very funny at orl, he gett very cross and look as tho he is going to stomp out the room (did yoo no my dad spells 'work' as 'walk' - ca'nt bee rite cos it do'nt sound like that at orl and then he say 'work' is ackshirley 'werk' - stoopid, eh?)

enny way they decide to put this stuff on cos danil is up and they reckon they need for hands with horizontally opposed thums to hold gwen down. so, they sneak up on her wen she is having a nice kip and dad and danle grab her and mum doo put the stuff on her kneck. she is amaizing strong and they can ownly just holde her long enuff too get the drops on her kneck beefour she scarpers for the wrest of the day. it is troo, if yoo wont to hold gwen down yoo knead at least for horizontally opposed thums too doo the job.

I is having a ver nice sunday bathe on the patteeoh, so dad stroke my hed, my mum put the drops on and i do'nt bother to moove or stop purring, easy as that. dad then grab runty wot is up the guardin and bring her down, she is a bit suspishuss but is ok bout it. but dad doo not get nun put on him when he need it moste. tippical of humans that he get left out.

if they do'nt put this stuff on then they coam us; well, i is ok, except when they doo my private, personal bits like my tummy wot is mine and privet and ver wunderfull. runty get a bit miserble wen the coame go over her titties and gwen am just impossible and yoo need a full flack jacket and ultra thick gluvs and then she can still run away cos the gluvs is thick. the runt need a coame reely cos she molte so much every wear. gwen think the enemee is invaiding enny time and doo not reegard mee on petrole as holding the frort.

my dad sez that in the old days with the old runt, edie-puss, or e.d. puss, she was "dermatologically challenged" and was ded scabby on her back and luvd beeing coamed and was moast grateful as long as yoo did'nt nock the tops off her scabs. yuk. they yoosed to yoos flea powder in those days and poor edie-puss would pea herself at this. rex or wrecks woz just too gormless to panic moor than a bit.

oh yes, the too feemails is getting even wers in there langugage too each uther when they meet, in the frunt room wot is disputed territtorree and the kichen daw, oh, yes, and when runty dun popped into the play room the uther eevning. so unneccesserry. ho hum. feemails, eh, do'nt get it, do yoo?

My dad arsked speshally nicely if i wood put up the notis' on the left (or is that rite?) cos the spelling is just like wot I doo and they yoos the apostrotoffee just like wot i duz. This silly noti's cum from a estate agent (wot ever that is) corled Abacus. My dad say that if they carnt spell there number wun werd - proper-tea - write and carnt doo basic grammer, and show so little care for checking detail he will never yoos them and thanks for the worning!!!! I has had a close look at the notis and it look ok too me but i no that my dad like proper-tea cos in der morning he has a speshall tea pot and he put in too tipes of tee in a speshal thing wear he take out the leaves so it do'nt broo two much; 2 spoonfools of early grey and won spoonfool of inglish brek-farst. my mum say proper-tea is theft - huh???? she think this very witty (she not ver brite and werk two hard so it gon to her brane wot left of it).

he orlsew arsk ver nicely if i can ad a foto from a local froot storl wear the apostro'phe look fine too mee????? dunno wot he on about but he say theirs lots at the froot storl like this.

the uther foto on the left (or is that rite?) is of my tummy, cos its luvly.

their is a horrid advert thingy on the blog beefour this won and i cant' get in to edit it and take out the narsty ad thingy!! GRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! norty norty guardinia noosepaper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hoomans is not orl bad, yoo no. They has put out hour sunny table on the pat-ee-oh for sunday barthing in the mournings and ver nice it is to!!! Hear is a nice picksher of me n runty using hour table. Ockayjonally der hoomans wont to yoos it so they can eat and drink and things off it, wot wee doo allow but is not ver nice too think that they put there food wear we is sleeping and lying and scraching and things.
They has orlso got out our lownjers. Now hear is moor of a problem cos sumtimes der hoomans insist on sitting on them or wont us to share nicely thingy - well, this just wo'nt do and they is sumtimes ver rude and throw us off or shuv us over. and then in the eevenings they wont to put the cushons inside and wake us up and things. I mean, look, hoos guarden is it, eh? hoo yooses it moste? gose too the toilet in it nicely and in privet, who guards it, eh, arsner that wun? rite. nuff sed. nice too have the things out aygen but them hoomans better woch it.

oh yes, i has had lots of visiters and gests. the payrents woz going to go near dartmouth road, round the corner wear i do not go, in devon too sea danl and roses but my mum got sick. mimi wood have cum and fed and served me and i wood have let her feed the others two but the payrents woz at home but still she cum to visit me. this woz ver very nice to sea her aggen. shame woz she brort a little boy. now i is not frytend of littel boys or ennythink, no, i just needed to pop necks door to check on my territtorree their four a few ours as the peeple woz away. so i sore less of mimi wot woz a shame. then my big bruvver danel cum up to sea me and then roses cum two. its grate too sea my big bruv aggen but why he bring this feemail around orl the time i do'nt no, i suppose they are orl rite, i mean runtys ok even if gwen is'nt. hes not as much fun as when we woz yung together but he is still nice to me and he is my big bruvver and we has a more matt-yure relay-shon-ship- now!!!