Thoughts of a Top Cat

shayna has rit agane two me and she reely has sum problems wiv her humans. she is foren you no and is purrjan, wot means a cat dat purrs diffrent from liek wot i dose, i purrs lots. so now dis is ternin int'oo an advise colum (shayna yoo shud trie der appostroffeee its' grate fun, i has bin lookin at dem and peoples put dem anywere so yoo can two). shayna wot yoo nead baddly is a cat flap. sea, i doesn;t have yor problems cos i just pop owt throo my cat flap and pop in wen i wont too, why do'nt you have one two? how cums der is howses without cat flaps i fort dey woz bilt into dem orl.

and i is shaw yoo has a luvly voise and yoo rite luvly inglish, reel eesy to unnerstand.

i has been told i has to be nice and shaire and tork bout der to femails and wen i do, shayna, i wil tel yoo bout der trubbles wiv tosca-runty and her peeing and wot der hoomans do four her even tho we has a cat flap. (dont' sea wy i shud share but i got too, least dis wunce). personaly i dus'nt tork lots but runty torks all der tiem up stairs in her saif bit of teritorree.

ps. my hoomans went away for the weakend and it woz not niece at al!!! wot i meen is dat as top cat i is not bovverd bye dees fings, ahem, not liek runty, but i is not keen. altho mimi caim to fead us and sea us and she is ver nice to me an runty, doe gwen keap her distance.

my dad sayed he sore a sine wot sayed: refuse day changed to munday. wot dey do den on a munday - ever bodee go around sayin NO! allday? yoo sea, hoomans, never endin stoopid.