Thoughts of a Top Cat

Now, as yoo no as a deeply finkin cat I is tryin to werk out how yoo yoos apostrotoff'ees and it seems to me dat yoo can put dem wer ever yoo liek and can even hav more than won in a werd if you wont.

Der loo won is interest'in cos it is in Lambeth Palace!!! Oh, yes, a palace. Its' der home of der biggest ape in Engerland, the Primate of All England, and he is an archbishop-prick, a fritenin, beerded bloke wot where's long dresses and funny hats. David Atennburghoro wot is famus for his luv of primates did not film himself cuddlin dis won. Dis is a ver big shame and I say too yo'u David yoo shud start at home befour goin to der jungles to cuddle primates, respeck yore homeland. Dis partickler primate is ver clever and he do talkin two!!! Oh yes I has herd him on der radio and scene hi'm on der telly', but on-estl'y, i cant' understand a werd he sez, ver gobble-dee-gooky whey of tork'in. And its' good to no dat our top primate is orlso happy wiv der propostroffee's.

Ackersherly, if yoo dont' minde me sayin. Dis yoos of toilets by hoomans is ver strainje. Der lambeff paliss is a big territory for der cuntr'ys top prim'ate and has huge guardins and lots of treas wear der top primate or any of der lesser primates wot livs wiv him cud go out and be privit in der flour beds and be ver neat and tidy liek wot i is.

Der uvver won, of course, may have lots of kneel's werkin der. So kneels' is ok, or kneel's' wud be safer, liek wot i found in dat forin cuntry of Whale's. or maybe we shud start to move der popostroffee nearer d'er be'ginin of der werd?????????? Yeah, d'ats a br'ill idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I liek dat!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? (cos i still like dat).