Thoughts of a Top Cat

I woz ritin ver recently about the horrible bangs too celebrate sumfink corled Dear Wally wot has two doo wiv gods fings. But der woz also bangs cos of sumfink corled Eat. And we still has not reached Gy Forks!!!

Well, dear wally is from sumfink corled hin-doo and eat cums from sumfink corled muslin. Dese is boath corled relly-johns. i had not herd of dis beefour and needed help from my dad on der puter too werk out wot dis woz orl about cos we dusnt' has diss in my territtorree.

ok. der is diss fing corled relly-johns and wot it is is dat dey has parties and fings like dear wally wot is bout sumfink corled gods cummin back or sumfink like dat. Eat is diffrent; muslins spend a hoe munth not eatin during der day (have yoo ever herd of ennyfink so crazy in yore life!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!) and den at the end of the mumf dey has a big party corled Eat. Well, I'm not surprised dey corl it Eat are yoo? And dey corl dis not eating a fast. I thort fast meant quick like in a fast car so how it cum to mean a long slow not eat i do'nt no. i suppose yoo cood hav a fast fast like wot i do wen i is asleep or a fast fast fast fast.

So, I starts to luk on der internet and ders loads of dese rellyjohns and dey has fings corled gods and ders old wuns wot had gods dat has gon and ders uvvers wiv gods wot peeple beleev in now. sumwun corled der chews said dat orl der old gods wot had grate names and did all sorts of fun fings woz no good and dey had wun god wot dey just corled god (boring) and dis woz top god and dun mor dan der uvver gods and made der erff and der sun and fings. and dese silly people also have dese fast fings and a big won corled your kipper not smoked, where dey chews not to eat at orl for a hole day and nite and den have a kipper each to celebrate wot dey chews.!!!! even tho thei'res food in der house. beleeve it??? a kipper is a fish called a had dock wot yoosed to smoke and has now stopped, known for short as a smoked had dock or kipper. sum peepel say dat there name is spelt choose and not chews cos there god said they is der chosen peeple so they is called der choose.

So won of dese choose peeple woz a bit fed up and he choose to start his own groop and his followers sed dat he woz der sun of dis god and dat god got der baby into dis woman corled mary hoo had an immaculate consumption or sumfink and had dis gods' baby - well, i found an old greek god wot cum too erff as a swon and he had a baby two corled helen and stuff so nuffink noo der. but dis joo god and his sun corled jesus do'nt go in much for jokes. ennyway der storey get's more crazy cos den wen hes' killed in a not ver nice way dey so oh no he do'nt just dye he is assumed into heven ware dis god corled god (not ver imaginative wiv der names) - i ai'nt assuming ennyfink, he sort of beam me up scotty or sumfink, and dey is corled cristy-anns. oh yes, and dis werld aint' de only wun, no yoo liv wiv god for ever. well, dis is outside of my territtorree and maybee i will live for ever - wot ever ever is. but dese peepel do prayin and dey say oh we give up fings for lent; wot means we lend yoo sumfink wot we giv up and den yoo give it back to us!! see? pretty daft innit.

but wy dese rellyjohns wont to giv stuff up and not eat and make demselves miserable? wot not eatin ment too doo? if i is hungry i eats and if i dont' eats i do'nt feel no better for it in fact i don't like it at all and i dont' liek der crunchys at der bottom of der bag cos day is dusty and not niece but if i woz ver ver ver hungry i wood eat dem (yuk) so wot der point of not eatin.

I has tried to werk out ware dese gods and fings liv cos ders mor dan wun and i cant' find der plaice, not near my house, enny way. and ders annuver fing, i has looked to sea sumfink dat shows me dat dese gods exist, enny ov dem and i cant' find nuffink. ah der big god corled god is evry ware and seas and nose evryfink; well, i cant' sea him and if hes evryware how cum i cant's see him or smell him or here him??? eh??? arnser me dat wun? ah day say yoo has to prey. well, i duz i prey on gwen and sumtimes on runty and leap on dem; but if dis god no evryfink ennyway how cum yoo prey/tork to him cos he nose it ennyway? and wot dese gods got to do wiv bein nice? yoo can be nice wivout gods carnt' yoo?

so if ders nuffink to sho dat dese gods is hear or der big wun just corled god wot is supposed to be evryware - hoo don't sound like much funn to me - ackershirley exist wot dese peepel doin wiv der preyin and der not eatin? luk its' serius if yoo dont' have enuff food to eat like sum of my cuzzins in africa and india and places (and even sum hoomans two) so yoo wont to eat but yoo got nuffink or not enuff and is hungry - dats seereeuss, ver seeriuss - but choosin not too eat is just plane daft and ackshirley not ver nice for der peepel and animals wot not got enuff food and got know choice.

I fink dis has orl bin maid up to maik me look silly and now i is kross but i is pootin it on my blog in case yoo has herd dese crazy storeys two. but i fink peeple shud just stop maikin up dese silly fairy storeys and stop der narsty bangs. ok?