Thoughts of a Top Cat

We woz taken to der vets to Mr Uncle Josh. He is a ver nice man wot i duz not sea ver offen but runty is corled a frequent flyer der and gets cut price. well, we boath has eye infecshuns. i has dem cos wen i woz ver ver tiny and still lived with Mr Mayhew-Home RSPCA i had cat flue wot did block up a tear duck for ever wot makes me a bit sniffly orl der time and my eyes get saw sumtimes. well, dey is bofe a bit saw (its' corled saw cos yoo sea wiv yore eyes or ise, so yoo can say i sore dat, oops i is muddled). enny way he is nice and i is orlways polite and purr (best way wiv a vetrinerirerary) wot mr josh sez maikes lissening too my chest and hart difficult but he says i is fine. he says i is over wait!!! well, i woz waitin over in der waitin room ver polite so wy he have to rite dis on his puter i do'nt no. but he sez i is not puttin on wait since he last wayed me; damn, and i is tryin reely hard wiv my eatin two. enny way, he say my eyes is fluee and is vile or viral and back-tearial so i has ointment. it woz a bit of serprise wen he put der stuff in boffe eyes and den dad dun it aggenn dis mournin wivout askin. well, i woz a bit shocked wen i got home and ran strait to my bole wot woz still der wiv food in it and i had a jolly good eat.

runty of cause gose to josh alot and corles him uncle josh (i is polite and corl him Mr Josh cos I dont' no him as well). Well, she has a bad write eye - pah only won bad eye - eye's got too!!! but hers is werser. oh she got ver kross wiv dad wen he put der oinkment on it dis mourning. well, wen we got home from der vets she went bonkers; running around, not in not out, drink no drink, hear their everyware. tippical. she cant just be carm and go and hav a nice little snack like wot i duz too steddy everythink. but she did knot doo any pea in der hous so dat is good. shes' fine now, sleapin on my dads' chair and barfin and fings but she do go funny.

Mr uncle josh sez we is boaf reely well and hellfy - so no jokes bout me being over wait, ok!!!! i is just rite wiv my winter wormer furr coat and layer of polly unsaturates.

he do tipin on his puter ver fast liek my dad and mum, wot is not fare cos i can ownly yoos my frunt pours and dey can you's lots of fingers and go much farster.

on der hole i prefurr not to visit mr josh cos we go in der car wot i dont' like and den his plaice is ver ver smelly of orl sorts of animals and dis nasty little dog had been in too sea him befour us wot cum out yappin and yappin and yappin and pullin on its leed. most unplezzant. but if i has two sea a veritinetinary surj-on (dats' der propper name for a vet) i liek mr josh best. (he is an ozzie-israeli-americano-inglish!! but also nice and its' from der dat wee found mimi wot cums and feeds us if der parent's go away and is reely nice two.

final fort; danle sez wen he woz werkin in A-ann-D emergency doctrine, and sumwon cum in unconshuss its' like bein a vet. well yoo cant' get hi-er than that. (i fink danl woznt' clever enuff too beecum a vet and had to settle for hooman vetting/doctrin wot is less impawtant but dont' tell him i sed sew).