Thoughts of a Top Cat

I reealise dat i has not finisht talkin bout my fassin-eightin life and jobs and stuff but i shood eggsplane dat krissmuss is kummin.

i dont' no wevver yoo has krissmuss in yore hous so i had better eggs-plain a bit.

ok

well, krissmuss is der surname of der person it is named arfter - mary krissmuss. cos wen der family meat peeple at dis time of yeer dey say too each uvver - mary kirssmuss!!! oh, mary krissmuss too yoo two!!! kissy kissy hug hug yuk stuff. and dey orl sing we wish yoo a mary krissmuss we wish yoo a mary krissmuss we wish yoo a mary krissmuss and a happy noo yere, good tidins wee brin too yoo and yore kin, we wish yoo a mary krissmuss and a happy noo yere! (nb. tidins is wen der see gose in and out cos der moon pools it - fort eyed better eggsplane, der river tems orlso has tidins ware der moon pools it and dis happens in der pool of lunden). yuss, mummy had her famly hear but my dad woz porely so i slept wiv him on der bed too look arfter him and runty slept on his chest and tummy and he slept a bit two.

Now krissmuss cums in der middle of winter. winter is wen it gets dark more quicklier and is colder and der metal fings in der hous called ray-dee-ate-ers (but dey dont' eat yoo) get hot (wot is ver clever of dem). Of cours, bein a top cat wiv eggselent fick fer does'nt mind all dis and wiv my brillant nite vizzon i can sea every fink enny way. But der hoomans dont' like it and my dad orlways says in der gloom - well, soon winter solstice will be over and der days will get longer. i do'nt no hoo dis solstiss fing is but dey moan bout how gray it is and fings. and dey need mor cloves and fings, purrfettic. ect ect.

so, dey go out and spend silly munnee on a small tree and dey bring it in der hous for a bit (bout 3 weaks) - no, dis is honest, dey reely doo bring a tree in der hous, and dey cuvver it in shiney balls and fings and put little lites on it. it doo look pritty and wen we woz yung cats we yoost to play wiv der balls and shiney fings on der tree and nock dem off and cach dem and fings. ver good it woz two. der trees is intrestin cos dey smell a bit like der stuff dey yoos to mop der flaw wen runty doo piss - pine fresh it is corled, piss fresh if yoo arsk me.

enny way dey flap arowned and say fings liek - i is not dooin orl der kards diss yere and its' larst postin for outside your-rope. den dey pop off to partys and fings and peeple cum hear orl sayin mary krissmuss.

den krissmuss day doo cum and dats gud cos my dad cooks a ver ver big chicken wot cums from turkey and he stuffs it up it's bottom and fings ferst. and he get out der delia smiff and count how long it take too cuk (i will eggs-plain cookin anuvva time - its' ver straynje) blah blah.

and ooh yess ders lots of bags and paper four me to sit on cos of the presence......but i will tell yoo maw arfter it has happend dis yere cos diss yere we got zoe and allstairs, and danl and roses or stayin. in fack dey has made a huge bed in der studdy four danl and rosies too yoos and ver ver niece it is to sleap on.

so mary krissmuss too yoo and i will tell yoo more bout it later.