Thoughts of a Top Cat

Pretty scaree foto eh? but its' only me sittin on my dad and not a mitey lyon in der savanna; simlar tho.

Ahem. Now, i is offen arsked, tell me biggles, dey say, yoo has had a fassinatin life, tell us yore storey.

Well, i dont' remember my cat mum but i suppose i had won and she was niece. my ferst memories is of beein in der home of Mr Mayhew RSPCA on der Hallo or Harrow Road. I was pawley then and had der flue so i was put in der hostable four my flew. as i was gettin better dey put me in a cage wiv runty and gwen. we woz orl a bit pourly and runty had bin fed on porridge wot is not propper cat food so she was even mor runty dan she is now, hard tho that is to beleave.

well, i got beter and den my family cum to visit to look for kittens so that we cud choos hour humans. danl was little and zoe was ver little. danl went for gwen (yuk) cos he thort she was so pritty (dubble yuk), zo went for the runtiest runt around. der parents sore me so i walked to der frunt of der cage in my frendly way and dey picked me up and i thort they wood be ok, so i was frendly like i orlways is.

i did get beter from der flue but i has a blocked teer duck and my eye gets weepy alot and my breevin can bee quite sniffy. but uncle josh sez my lungs is fine.

Mr & mrs mayhew put a chip in your kneck but no fish so yoo dusnt want to eat it. yoo also has to go back for a little operation. de gerls woz shaved for theres, i woz a bit saw around my willy and fings and wen i licked it i didnt' like it!! but it woz ok after a day or too. dunno why we had the operayshun it do'nt make no diffrence to lief as far as i can sea.

ennyway, it woz a nice howse. der woz an old black cat corled Rex or Wrecks. He woz a bit strange. my dad sez he cums from the mayhew home two! and he come with a cat corled Edie-puss or E.D Puss who was a tabby runt like runty but with more tabby and she woz absolute top cat, like wot i is. now rex woz odd cos he woz autistic (fanks dad) so he did'nt talk or wosh or play, he woz sweet tho and i got on with him ok cos i woz frendly. i tride to play wiv him but he got orl very scarey, so i got too bee TOP CAT ver ver yung. he went away after a bit and my mum sed that he had gone to der grate cattery in der skye; i has looked ver ver hard for dis cattery in der skye but i has never scene it even dough my i-site is ver good. der woz also annuver cat corled figaro, wot woz zoes' and was a tabby wiv long hare and a ver ver long tale wot went down his back but he got hit by a car wen he woz only won.

when we woz littel we wood orl sleep togevver lots and we woz orl frendly wiv each uther. it woz later dat der runt and gwen started to hate each uvver.

well, i yoost to run around loads and loads. my dad wood take orange jooce packages for 6 liters and push 3 toogevver and he would play with a pencil and i wood run run run orl der whey along and i wood fite der pencil and try and grab it froo holes without lookin at it. ooh it woz fun and we wood play lots. my dad then found a painty brush with a long handel and a soft top to it and my dad wood play wiv me wiv diss for ours and inside boxes wiv holes. we wood play for ours and ours. he wood say dat he woz trainin my huntin skills and it woz lots of fun. of corse he woz daft. i also yoosed to serch my new teritoree for painty brushes to pouns on but der has bin nun in my territorree so i gave up arfter a bit. silly daddy - he said dese woz transferable skills but I dus'nt hav transferable skills i wont to keep dem four myself.

i woz orlways happy to play wiv my hoomans, daddy and his painty brush, and to help der children wiv der homewerk and play wiv der frends, and be in charge. of coarse, and too sit on bags and in boxes and uvver yoosful fings wot protects fings.

i fort it woz ver impotent from der start to check out my territtorree, be in charge and orl dat, make shoor dat i eets from der bole wot i chooses. ect ect.

my life is ver nice fank yoo, orltho i dont' no why we is shut in der playroom each nite but i dont' mind as long as i has a snack in der eevning. my food is ver nice cos i eet my mr hills sience and i orlso like to eet runt'ys yoocanoobah urunary oxilate blah blah food (and gwen, cheeky fing, is tryin to eet it orl up!!!)

i liek it wen i can help wiv jobs and i no i is rite wen my hoomans say fings liek; "not in der!!! no!! der paints wet!!! and my favrit; "bugger off biggles!!!" - dat meens, i luv yoo best.

wot an intrestin life i has!!!