Thoughts of a Top Cat

Hear is me on petrole in der long grass and also highdin in der kammooflarj in case anybody trys to come ontoo my territorree. I no its' scaree but do'nt wurry I wo'nt hert you!!

Wot I dont' understand is wot gardenin is all abowt. They wer at it the other weakend cleering lots of flourbeds of wot dey corl weeds - dey doo dis about wunce a year and say, oh dats' hard werk but dont' it look better ect ect. It just means a bit less shade for runty n me.
Also, and dis is a big big seecret and sho how stoopid hoomans is again. Dey dig up dee erff when dey is weadin and dey dont' do no pee or poo in it!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I meen wots' der point of diggin up der erff if you has'nt dun a pee or poo??????????? I meen if dey dig up der hoe guardin wheres goin' to be privet for der toilet?? Hoomans is a mistery to me dats' orl I can say. And dis reedin or weedin fing wakes me up and changes my territorree.
And der mail hooman cut orl of der long grass!!!! I mean, for goodness sake how is a top cat suppoased to protect his territtoree if he aint' got nowher for cammooflarj???? And day say its' good for der envirement to leave a bit of der grass long cos you get butterlfys and fings. SEa!!!!!!!

I has seen a wonderful foto in der Graudian of a cat that looked like my twin and he had chaised a bear up a tree. He was sittin at der botom of der trea and lookin up and der bear looked ver ver miserabel. Tee hee hee. is wot i say. and dis bare was in New Jersey wot is not near Jersey. Well, it just gose to sho wot i has orlways sed, we cats is top. thank you.

No, diss is not mee!!! Dis is a nuvver top kat corld Genghis, almost as good lookin, inteligent, hansom and feersom as me - but not quiet - stil dats pretty damn gud! Of cours we hav nevver evver met cos he wood be twooo scar'ed to cum on to my territtorree!!!! and i d'ont thinck he livs ver ver neer me but not ver ver far iether. alltho we cood hav met as we both cum from the house of Mr Mayhew-Home RSPCA. But he is a ver nice lookin chap and i thort as I is ver ver jenerus that i wud show yoo that i am not the only top cat in der werld. He lives with a small femail wot is blak with wite pours calld socks - but hoo wonts fotos of her? eh? These fotos woz tacken at a lunch party given by ghenghi's's' mum, sabi. in der ferst picksher he is bein a ver nice kazhual hoast befor lunch, keapin ever body hapy befor eatin wile der hoomans run arowned der kitchin insted of puttin owt der hills science - wot he eets like mee!!!! (toald yoo he was a good bloke). in der seckond picksher he is sittin post polite at der table engagin in poliet after lunch adult conversayshun (calld dat cos yoo say fings innit) after der childern has left der table to do fings wot are cool man - personly i liek fings warm. Anyway, i is also a most gud hoast wen we has gests and help put dem at there eese. i also liek ver much to jump on der laps of gests partickly if dey is warin blakc. i also liek to jump up all frendly liek on peeple who say day do'nt liek cats - wot i dont' understand - too show dem dat we is luverly and cos dey is guests dey offen is to poliet to frow me off. i do fink it is important as a top cat do be a gud hoste at partys and role over and show my tummy and put my tale in der olives and fings on loe tables. perhaps i shud rite a buk abowt party ettikett for pets (well not four dogs cos dey is two two stoopid).

[look, this is ver ver secret - ghenghis wunce got lost for 10 munths, honest 10 munths - dat is stoooopid. how can a proper top cat go and get lost for 10 hole munths?????!?!?!?!?!?!?!? i has never ever ever got lost even when i sumtimes sneek across der road, oh no not me. i meen yo'uve got to tak'e a lot of rong ternings to get lost for dat long. Makes me wunder if hes reely a top cat under it all].