Thoughts of a Top Cat

I do'nt beleeve it!! He dunn it aggen!!! He cut der grarss orl short!!! yoo can sea mee looking up and down der guardin in der pics. He doo this evry yeer. Its not just me grumbling and beeing cross cos i has lost orl my cam-you-flarge. I is cross cos i has lost orl my cammyouflarge so it makes petroling der territtorree that much maw complicated cos I ca'nt hide down in the long grarss. But wye doo he doo it??? cos i tell yoo i has wotched der grarss evry yeer over der years and i tell you egg-sackly wot will happen - it will grow back aggen, it orlweighs doo so wot der point in cutting it????????????

my dad say i look orl four-lawn!!! and then he larf alot. i dont' get it and i think he is sad.

Now der whether has bin reely grot since he cut it. In fackt, he keeps going round saying, oh, ar'ent i clever to get the second cut dun quick in der nick (hoo he?) of time, cos the rain has started, and it reigned just about orl the time since. And he seem pleased with this!!! But i can sea that it is orl-reddy growing back and cos the whether is so grot and wet and windy now lots and lots of leaves has blown down off the trees ontoo the grarss. And grarss do like der reign for growing more quicklier. (Ack-shirley, if hee ever took a close look at der grarss he wood sea that it is harf moss ennyweigh, but he do'nt doo hee?)

wye is leaves corled leaves? obviuss. cos they leave the trees and forl down. ok?

so the grarss is short (and noing him he will cut it aggen and aggen orl summer) i has no camyouflarge, and he is stoopid and it mean that he will get out the noisy grarss cutter thingy aggen and wake me up when i is resting in my territtorree and runty am orlso woked up, and it do'nt even give us extra toilets the way way der weading doo.

I is so cross that i is going four a sleep.

PS der private hej out frunt am orlso growing farst with the reign. he have cut this two, do'nt sea wye. its corled a private hej cos it keeps yore frunt guardin private so wood be much better if he just let it growed. speshally since the worl woz forling down so they had it taken aweigh. my mum wonts a new worl but my dad sez its post modernist (we never had a worl throo the post!!) and a homarj(?) too tracey emin. [I said, now emin now emout - but my dad did not think this was funny, he got no sense of humer].