Thoughts of a Top Cat

Now, ferst of orl wot is this bout putting dried plums on der trees, yoo may well arsk. well i woz in der guardin on dutee gardin der gardin when a man come round der gardin with der pay-rents (ackshirley i woz doin my toilet and trying to be privet when he cum in) and i woz lissening to them and they is torking about pruning the branches on the tree and things like this and I thort, hang on, i will get a bit closer when they cum up the gardin. well, they was torking about lots of pruning. now, i no that prunes is dried up plums cos my mum likes them in her yogat but why they wont to stick them on trees I duz not no, but then hoomans is so often daft and stoopid, speshally as most of the trees make pritty flours and blossom and things ennywhey. well, when der man cum up der guardin a bit more i thort i wood give him more space by strolling necks door. my dad said after that i looked scared of him and that i run away and throo a whole in der fence and looked pritty pathetic. this is not true!!!!!!! i is not a scaredy cat at all!!! and certainly not of that man!!!!! i woz just beeing polite and making more space in my territtorree for him. Hurrumpff!!!!

hear is a new job yoo can sea in one of the pickshers. i is guardin my mummys' werk. she has to put marx on all these bits of papers from stoodents. i like to mark papers two when my poors are muddy but she tell me to bugger off and stuff (thay say that cos they luv me) and wo'nt let me mark them two!! she sez it is see-reeuss and she has to make them smell like perfume or something cos she gives them all per-scents, then she agree that I is dooing a good job and let me just do the gardin insted.

the payrents woz out in der gardin dooing wot they corl weedin. i has scene this beefour and wotched them dig up bits from the flour beds and make nice toilet spaces and dig over the erff and then never put there bottoms down once! so, i has thort wot four they doo this? now i has scene why!!! they do it so we can do wees their wear it is nice and clere, they make maw toilet for me n runty. they had just dun a luvly job under the hi-dranger.......high-dranger.......hide-ranger (sorry, not shure of the spelling hear and I is trying hard with my spelling) boosh when runty pop up weed under it. so thats' wot weeding mean, a place so you can i say i woz weeding their like wot runty dun. its' a good thing I think about language innit?

me n runty allslow yoos der bits dey weed for a spot of lying out and sunday bathing - nice pic we is lying around a small rosie bush, and der won near my hed alreddy have a luvly whight rose. ahh!

the grarss is dead good and long now so I can hunt for butterflys innit and use it as camooflarge.

and a nice picksher of my very speshall tummy wot is won of my best feechers and diffrent from der wun beelow.

oh, a speshall werd for my frend osker wot has extra werk too doo now, pour osker. his staff has fallen over drunk with werk on the step and broken up her rist bad. this mean osker has too doo more werk in der house and things and the staff has to sling her arm in it or have her arm in a sling or sling her hook or sumthing like that, and she has a plaster on it. i did say in a previous poste that hoomans is falling over and braking things cos they only work on to legs insted of for like us, and their you go. but we cats must be nice to hour infeeriors, so osker, bee nice to der starff but just make shure she bluddy feeds yoo propper like wot she shood doo, her rist may take a long time too get better, 2 days!!! so bee nice but not two nice!!!! ok?

oh, yes, and i has too tell yoo that runty dun a very bad thing. she hav pissed on the stare carpet!! this make the payrents ver ver upset cos it doo pong sumthing horrible and take a lot of hard werk too get the smell out. why she doo this? she not dun this for a yere or so and it bin much quieter. it woz a nice day, she have popped out ferst thing but not done her pea and then she popped in and dun it on the stares. my dad get ver sad at this cos it take alot of werk to get the pong out. yoo arsk runty Y and she just look and say - drink from the tap!! ps. it still do'nt smell two good.