Friday, May 25, 2007


The Last Mug

Last saterday my dad put on the telly too wotch sumthing corled the Last Mug......or the Final Cup.........or the Cup Final, enny weigh sumthing like that. I has never wotched this beefour but he wonted too sea sumthing new and speshall corled der new wemberleee. I do'nt no wot a wemberlee is but i no my payrents woz not pleesed bout der bilding and thort it woz brillant that it took sow long, cos they sed their woz an old wemberlee and it ment that lots of peeple played or visited der old wemberlee (still not shaw if it is a game or a plaice) and lots of horrid peeple maid our tube stay-shun and tube line scary too go on - cos they go without mee to protect them.

Enny weigh, so my dad swiches on the telly a few mins beefour three and their is the most terrible terrible noise like peeple being torcherd (?torch-herd? - new werd four mee to rite) but my dad eggs-plained that it woz too wimmin trying too sing. huh - this woz a joke of his but he sed he woz seereeuss. One woz sarah not very briteman der ex mrs lord andrew lloyds bank and der uther had a blokes name corled leslie grabbit or sumthing, hoo thinks she can sing cos she dun low grade oprah and telly. Well, it woz trooly terrible so my dad switch the telly off strait aweigh. He say that there egos is so big that yoo cood'nt fit one of them on a 46 inch plasma screen and (now I has to rite this wright cos he is wotchin me) there talent is in inverse proporshon too there egos - do'nt understand. My dad say he wunce sore leslie grabbit on her telly pogrom sing a doo-ett with a lady corled Renee Fleming and he just larfed cos he sed how can leslie grabbit bee sew stoopid too think she can sing with renee fleming wot is a reel classy bootiful singer and just make her look wers. I did not sea this four-two-nately.

Ok, so my dad then say he going to a place or bloke corled der jim cos it will be empty with the Mug Final thingy on and it boring. Wen he cum home i is weighting and he say we can wotch the larst 5 minits but then they play lots more - rong agen dad - and i wotch with him. it is sew silly wot i sore i has too tell you.

these men, rite, wont too play with a borl wot is fare enuff i likes to play with a borl sumtimes but they has'nt got enuff, they has only got won and theirs lots of men wot wont to play with it - stoopid hoomans agen. look, i has corky the cork to play with and its mine and i has too corky the corks. won is corled corky-the-cork number wun and the other is corled corky-the-cork number wun; brilliant innit, i named them myself so i wood not forget!! and i can play with won or the uther and the feemails no they is mine and leave them aloan.

well, cos these men ownly has won borl they is having too chaise around to have a tern and not weighting there tern. sum of the men woz waring blue and sum red and they orl had numbers on there back and there names cos they cood'nt remember hoo they were!!! sum had funny names I ca'nt remember, sum had there surnames like Schooles and Biggs and Lampost, sum had their first names like Terry and Ronald-o and Ferdinand, tippical hooman miz up. Won woz corled Heinz like in the baked beens wot is disgusting!! Has yoo ever looked at baked beens? disgusting!! they look just like wen runty doo vom up her brekfarst of you-can-yoober yoorinerry oxilate speshal diet food like wot she dun yesterday mourning. she dun vommed her brekfarst too times this weak - wunce over her bole of food and der flaw wot my dad had to cleen up and throw aweigh the food and wosh her bole and then on the pat-ee-oh yesterday. pointless, never understood this vomming of food, it such a waist. my mum dun a big vom the uther day and she now bin in bed for a few days and i is dooing sum nersing wen i is not on petrole in the son.

so the men is running about for a tern of the borl and the reel joke is they keep forling over or bashing each uther over, wot is not ver nice, and they is so stoopid that they ca'nt cach the borl or pick it up. reely!! sea - this shose how stoopid der hoomans is as ever. cos they run on too legs not for like wot i duz they forl over lots (like oskers' starff dun and broke her rist ver bad wen she woz not drunk as shee keep saying - how she opening her wine at der moment? probbly getting paddy's mum to help). but, my dad keep saying, i has horizontally opposed thums and can doo lots of things like wot yoo ca'nt do (yeah, rite, like i need them as i got my clores ect) but these men is soo stoopid that they ca'nt even catch the borl, well, i think too of them dun cach it but the rest cood'nt werk this out. ha ha ha.

enny weigh, sew they run and run around four a tern of the borl and that just about orl they doo. oh yes won bloke ckicked der borl into a fishing net thingy won time and seemed very happy and his frends, wot cood not remember his name so he have it on his back, did lots of yukky cuddling thingy. and the uthers (ca'nt remember if it was the reds or the blues wot woz happy) seemed cross cos they wonted a tern too doo this to. enny weigh that woz enuff so we stopped wotching as that woz orl they did orl the time, honest. and that woz it. i wotched and wotched to sea if they wood doo sumthing different or intresting but they did'nt. that woz it!! and then wun bloke woz given a big mug thing and lots of peeple cheered. and then they orl went home.

cos they woz soo narsty too each uther they had to have a pay-rent daddy tipe person their hoo had too have a big noisy wissle to blow to stop the uthers from beeing horrid too each uther, wot happened lots and lots. ver ver bad bee-haiv-ia, tsk tsk.

i do'nt think i will ever understand hoomans.

hear is my advise from a top cat too make this game corled der Mug Final or Cup Final or the Wemberlee better if it must happen agen, and noing hoomans it will. If the silly men are not going to share nicely der borl and take terns like wot i is orlweighs beeing told too doo with the feemails (huh) and danl and zo woz orlweighs beeing told too doo with there frends wen they came too play wen they woz little, then get more borls so that evry boddee has a borl too play with of there oan and then they wo'nt get cross and fite for it in the weighs wot woz not at orl nice to wotch. orlso they will find it much much eesier if they orl use there hands and there horizontally opposed thums that they are so proud of having and think that make them sooooo soopeerier to cach the borl it wood stop running aweigh from them. this shood not bee two difficult eeven for stoopid hoomans to lern yoo wood think - but i has little hope of this from parst expeerience of hooman bee-hay-via.

simple. i think this Final Cup thingy sho agen just how stoopid hoomans is, and how narsty they can bee too each uther, and i think they shood not doo it agen until they has lerned to play nicely toogether.

it orlsow show yet agen that that mr darwin and his thee-oh-ree of eva-lotion woz compleetly rong and that hoomans is pritty low down and not the pin-aikle of eva-lotion like wot he thort.

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