Thoughts of a Top Cat

I has to tell yoo wot is happening lots on der telly cos it is sooo very stranger. men are snooking together, cos they try to snooker each other on telly at a time wen childern cood be wotching!!!! wot is snooker you are rite to arsk? it is won of the straingest things i has ever seen hoomans doo and they seem too doo it for ours and ours, i can close my eyes for the odd few minits (or longer) and I can open them and they is still doing it, honest, and it look just the same to me.

ok, hear is wot snooking or snooker is. 2 groan men stand at a table where-ing waist coats. wot is a waist coat? it is like a jacket wot dus not have no sleeves and the won plaice it do not go is around yore waste!!!! only hoomans wood think of a name like that!!! well der too men, with dickey bow ties stand around a big table wot has lots and lots of balls on it, some are pritty colours. they each has a long stick, nearly a poll, and they hit balls but not in an ordinary way. no, they only hit won white ball wot then hits anuther ball or moor. oh, ho, you say, just a minit, that must mean that the flaw is covered in balls all the time??? well, you is rong because the table has got an edge too it so that the balls do'nt fall off but can bounce off the sides. so, the men take it in terns to hit a white ball wot hits anuther ball - and thats' it!!!!! but their is moore to it if yoo wotch for a bit. oh, yes. the table has got holes in it!! honest!!! not kidding, a table with holes!!! 6 i think but thats' lot's four me to count, and quite offen the silly men hit the balls and they fall into a hole, clumsy!!! this obviously happens alot cos they put stringy pocket things to catch the ball when this happens and their is anuther man wot wheres white gluvs wot take's the balls out of the holes and puts them back on the table wot wood not be necessary if the clumsy men with the sticks did'nt let the balls fall in in the first plaice!!!! also if they maid the room a bit warmer then the therd man wood not need to ware gluvs. so tha'ts wot they doo!!

and this therd man say orl sorts of strange things like "brake" and give a number!! well, if he want to stop the balls why doo he shout brake orl the time, balls is not like a car, they have no brakes, stoopid, eh?? then uther men wotch orl this wot yoo cant' see and they say things like - oh, he's kissed the pink on the way throo" (disgusting!!! yuk yuk!!! kissing balls - dogs lick them orl the time I has seen it and now groan men kissing their balls on telly!!! i shut my I's), he needs to screw back (what that mean????) to be on a red or the black or what ever. then cos something is broken they have to rubuild it or sum rubbish like this - yes, they say, his break-building is very good in this match. well, matches will brake cos they is only maid of thin would. then they start talking bout guardenin; a long pot, a short pot, oh he's taking the pot on, yes hese going for the plant, etc. and hoo this man corled john with a parrot wot he keep hidden hoo then tork silly wen they get the bawl's out for the necks tern?

and then lots of peeple clap. or they clap lots if the wite ball get stuck behind anuther bawl (big deal!!) and they say, oh, that good, he snookered him!! just cos the white ball hiding. this seems to be thort speshal clever.

so, yoo arsk, wot happen in the end? well the man with wight gluvs get fed up with taking the balls out and he just let the too men with sticks hit the white ball to hit the uther bawls until they have all gone in the wholes and their is nun left. ah, good, yoo think, it is now all over. nope. the man with wite gluvs take all the balls out of the pockets under the holes wear the too clumsy men has hit them, he put them back on the table and then they start again, and he tell which man can brake something first - fred bloggs to break.

so wot has happend? too men has worked around a big table lots and taken a stick and hit a ball wot hits anuther ball wot sumtimes go in a hole in the table. anuther man with wight gluvs helps them by putting the balls back on the table when they go in a hole until he get fed up and then he let them hit the bawls until theirs nun left when he then get them out and they start again. well, hears my suggestshuns to make it all over much quicklier:

1. have moor wholes in the table speshally in the middle bit cos then yoo cood hit the balls in faster if thats wot yoo wont too doo.

1. dont' have no holes in the table and then yoo wont' have to have a frend to get the balls out for yoo when they fall in a hole.

2. hit lots of balls first and not just the wite won.

2. let the uther man have a tern with the stick, it is very shellfish the whey he never get a tern.

2. stop taking the balls out of the wholes. once a ball has gon into a whole then you have lost it cos yoo is clumsy.

2. let moor peeple have a tern.

3. stop hooman men from beehayving in such a very very silly whey.

i feel ver ver sorree for hooman men if this is wot sum of them doo with there time when they cood be out on petrole protectin their territtorree or getting lots of exercise chasing a cork or sumthing yoosfull in life. but i has lernd wun thing from this cos its' corled der werld championshp and i has lernd just how big der werld is!!! cos their is peeple from a long long weigh aweigh in it; from ingland, scotland, whales and higherland - sow, now I no that is der hole werld. and canada (or canada water too give it it's fool name) is in lunden ingland on der docklands lite railweigh. sea, wot yoo can lern is outside yore territtorree!!