Thoughts of a Top Cat

Well, yoo may arsk, wot is happening in my territtorree?

I arsked my dad and he said that a man woz cum hoo's name was Tree Sir John and that wot he woz dooing woz pruning and cutting down trees and stuff. and i new wot pruning is cos prunes is dried up plumbs, so i new they wood doo sumthink too der plumb trees but they dun stuff to uthers two!!

Now, I duz remember that sum men came to give quotes on pruning trees sum time ago but they said nuthink too mee werth quoting so i forgot about them so it woz a bit of a serprise when Tree Sir John dun suddenly tern up without my permishon.

Well, orl of a sudden theese men terned up. Tree Sir John was also noan as pete and he dun cum from devon, like wot is outside my territtorree but is round der corner cos of the names of the roads hear and i think he woz orlso nown as Tree Sir John. the next bloke karim dun come from a town corled belgium and he spoke with my dad in a human way like wot i cood not understand. the next bloke not speak the same at all but was polish and he did not doo der big cutting but he polished off orl der branches by putting them throo a scrunchy masheen wot maid lots and lots of noise out in der frunt. sum times they woz dooing nice gentle cutting but they orlsow had nasty chain things with moaters wot dun cat rite throo der trees!!! and karim dun clime up ver ver hi in der old old pair tree too cut off a ver big branch. of corse, i cood clime up ver hi like that if i wonted but i just do'nt bother, hem hem. they dun got rid of lots of old wild plumb trees wot doo know good (see pruning!!! like wot i sed) but the plumb tree corled victoria is a compleet mess - sumwon stoopid had stuck it ontoo anuther tree corled a stock and der stock had groan hooj cos my dad is stoopid and total ingorant bout trees and not cut thees back, so they cut off orl the stocky bits and leave victoria (silly to give trees names but hoomans is silly) a total stumpy bit - i will put a foto of it on my blog. my dad say he hoap to have sum luverly plums maybee in for years but wot he not thort about is wot he doing too doo too stop the stocky bits growing even farster aggen - i arsk him this and he say shut up and mind my own bizniss - charming!

I went and met dem at lunch time and they woz perfeckly nice and then woz not noisy and i maid shoor they new just hoos guardin it woz and hoo woz in charj. well, sum of the grotty trees dun gon, wot is ok i suppose as they woz not much of a camooflarj four me and he has maid sum nice new areas of toilet, wot is kind of the payrents. i deesided that reely it woz best to let them get on with it sew i spent most of the day sleeping under my king size bed - not cos i was fry-tend of the noise and orl that woz going on, oh no, no, it just seemed like a nice quiet place to sleep and it is a seecrit place wear i sleeps quite offen and the payrents do'nt no, tee hee (bit of a seecret their, hope my dad dont' reed this bit!)

they woz ver good men and they dun cleened up and maid my guardin ver nice and tidy arfter cos i wood have bin ver cross if their had bin a mess; i told my dad this and he sed he wood check up on them while i woz under der bed, sleeping and stuff.

runty thort it woz orl a bit strainj wen she popped out and she sert-en-lee sniff around a bit and has scene wot they dun but she sez its' ok cos they left der nice trees.

orl der reign have been luverly for the guardin and we has more and more moss wot is quite nice, it am racing with the grarss to sea hoo can have most of the lorn. i think their is now maw moss than dandy-lions wot is a silly name cos they do'nt look like lions at orl.

i think the payrents shood have told me they woz cumming beefour they cum as that is oanlee poh-lite but i forgiv thees littel lapses in etty-ket (etty-cat?).