Thoughts of a Top Cat

The payrents went aweigh aggenn!!!! not for ver ver long but it duz make yoo wunder wot they is up too. Well, at ferst it woz ok cos roses woz hear and she is ver nice to us cats and understands us ect ect (even if she woz just giving a bit two much attenshun to the runt, but i is not a jelluss cat). but then she went and danl woz in charj for to days beefour the payrents cum home and he is orlweighs making out that now he is home he is hire in the pecking order than me and orl that and he has know time cos he has to go to the hostable too see the payshents blah blah, as if i duz not have important werk too doo each day gardin the territtorree and orl that, frunt and back yoo no. so, i woz bluddy glad wen the payrents dun cum home cos danl had not filled hour worter boles even wot reely maid me cross. its' like with a lounjer he say he do'nt like cat furr on the seet and so he tern the cushon up when he get off. now runty is happy to shair a lounger with my dad or a payrent nicely but i need lounger or chair with a cushon for myself on my oan cos i is a top cat, sea? and its' reely reely meen if danl tern up the cushon cos i sea lounjers as beeing on a time share and i has a rite to a tern. hmmph - he better wotch it, thats orl cos i is not mooving down from therd to forth in the peckin order just cos he cum home for a bit.

well, the payrents say they went to a littel villij in the yorksher dailies or weeklies corld clapham. and they arsked if they cood poot a foto of the nice say-shon hous wot is their at the rail-weigh say-shon. i thort the house wood be for the passengers on the trains when they have long long long long weights for the trains or for them to sleep in when the train do'nt cum at orl but my dad sez its' four the peepel wot look arfter the stayshon, not that the payrents ever sore any starff their at orl but they did sea peepel weighting for a bus cos the trains wernt running at orl and they woz not invitid into the house at orl wot i think is ver rude and shellfish.! well, as yoosjull i think they have got it rong cos i have looked at my map of the hole werld and clapham is in the south not north for a start, and must be the most important plaice in the werld cos its' got for plus won stayshons their, honest i counted and 4+1 is err......hang on....... me, my mum, my dad, runty, and gwen (yuck!) and that maikes six or sumthink nearly like that, lots!!!. enny weigh on the black line theirs' clapham north, clapham common (the most popular), clapham south, and then too stay-shons wot they forgot too culler in (tippical, eh?) clapham junck-shon and clapham hi street. thats' 6 or 5, well lots as i sed. so i think clapham must be incredibly important. my payrents say it is a luverly plaice with bootiful cuntry and 3 peaks (wot i think, personally, are not ver nice yappy dogs with littel legs, but theirs' no counting for taste) and lots of worter forls, well wot else is worter supposed too doo, fly up?!?!?!?!?! the wether woz grotty hear wile they wer aweigh but they sed they had luverlly whether - humph.

so they cum home and the whether has bin luverly since and me n runty is lying on our table and on the grass or on lounjers (when grotty bruvvers leve the cumfy cushons down), i is not sunday baything on the shed much this yere but runty is yoosing it.

my dad sez i doo not understand bout the werld, he say it is a ver big plaice and is the shape of a borl and that i is looking at a map of the underground. rite well he is just sooooooo rong;

1. the werld is not round like a borl cos wen i petrole my territtorree frunt and back it is flat, wen i look out of a window it is flat, wen i is on the big shed and look far aweigh it is flat.

2. if the werld woz round then Upminster and Uxbridge wood tuch, and amersham and epping wood tuch, and maybee even hi barnet and mordern wood tuch (not shur about the larst) as they is on the far eggies of the werld. am i rite or am i rite???????

3. he is rong that the map is of the underground cos from the frunt of my territtorree i can sea kilburn stayshon and it is not underground at orl it is top ground.

i sumtimes think my dad is so stoopid that it pooshis me to the limit of my tollerance. but as i is a nice, kind intellygent top cat, i have lerned to live with him beeing stoopid and just axcept the extra responsibilities wot this plaice on me (sigh).