Thoughts of a Top Cat

My dad is moaning. danl has not tayken his nice offis chare yet and me n runty thort it wood be nice too sleep on a cumfy chare eech, i am on dads' and sh'es on danls'. and very cumfy for a nice sleep they is two. but my dad is then saying, ware doo i sit and i sez their is a ver nice wight chare yoo can yoos, thank yoo. and he say thats' not fare, i is topper than yoo in the peckin order and the white chare is orl hard and i do'nt like it ect ect moan moan moan. look, i sez too him, that wight chair is ver nice and ver good four yoo and yoo shood not complane cos yoo do'nt hav to go out on petrole and gard the propertee and the territtorree and yoo has not bin in to fites in the last few daze ect ect ect, and runty is bonkers so theirs' nuthink yoo can doo bout her. well, he get orl sulky and yoos the wite chare but i no he is not pleesed but i still let him stroke me lots and thats ok, but he doo look grumpy bout it.

they is starting to put the sentrle heeting on aggen, hooray!!!!. in case yoo do'nt no wot this is, well it is egg-sackly wot its name is not. but that is tippical of hooman-beans to get things orl rong. no, centrel heeting duz not meen that yoo just heet a bit of the middle of yore home, the sentral bit, in fackt it meens the opposit that yoo has heeting everyware, so it shood be corled everyware heeting. my dad sez it is corled sentral heeting cos yoo only have won sauce of heet (well, i never put hot sauces on my hills sigh-ens food, so he torking rubbish aggen). he sez its' cos it orl cums from the wun boy-ler - i no orl about the boyler, thank yoo, cos i has jumpt up and slept on it when it is nice and cumfy with dride cloaths on it. not oanlee is the name sentral heeting orl rong but then the hoomans say that the heet cums out of ray-dee-eight-ers; well, this is just total rong cos we has more than eight and the won thing that the hot metal thingies doo not doo is ray-dee-ate, no, the hot worter inside wooshes round and round and is conducted throo the metal too the outside and then it is convected up and out and in hour house cos it is corled late-victorian (that meen it wos not finished on time by a mr victorian) and we has ver high sealings, we has ver ver worm sealings and bluddy colde flaws.

oh, yes, hour nice cleener has gone back to poland to visit her fammly for a weak. lots of peepel cum to ingerland from the too poles since they joined the He You (wot ever thing that is). i did not arsk her beefour she left which pole she cum from, the north or the south. i has bin looking at my map of the werld and i ca'nt find a stay-shon for poland (a stay-shon, bye the weigh, is wear the tranes stay for a bit so peepel can get on and off, and it is brite with lite shon in it, so, stay-shon; simple werking out werds, innit). i think with the globul worming and the melting of the north poland ice cap they has had to close the nearest stayshons to the poal cos i looked at an old map of the werld and the orange line yoosed to go orl the way to Ongar on a speshal littel trane for the colde from Epsom but they stoppt it cos of the lossing of ice, i think, at the north poland, well it is ver ver at the top of the werld their. i is not kwite shure wear the south pole is but i think it mite bee on wun of those lines wot the hoomans fourgot to culler in, and i think it is probbly East Grinstead cos peeple say thats the end of the werld a ded end. but oskers' blind starff (paddys' blind mum) sed sumthink bout gravesend and chatham reely beeing the ded end of the werld, so i is not kwite shore their.

off too doo sum jobs now.............or maybee just a tye-knee littel nap ferst.

PS doo yoo no wot is the moste bootifull sound in the hole wide werld?? it is the tinkle tinkle sound of my payrents pooring sum luverly hills sigh-ence crunchies in my bole. ah, luverly, i orlweighs purr lots at that.

PS wot dus PS meen?? my dad sez it is latin like eg, ie, AM, PM, etc. qed, exit, medium (but not smorl or larje) etc. well, they do'nt no how to rite propper werds in wear they speek Latin, and ack-shirley I duz no wear they speak Latin, in Latin America, of coarse!. Sea, I is a very clever top cat to have werked that out orl on my only self.

ennyweigh, anuther PS. Paddys' blind mummy (thats' osk'ers blind starff) has gon on holiday to Cyprus. Well, I looked that up on my map of the werld and it is far far aweigh, only too stops from the end of the merky greeny line wot they fourgot to culler in in the middel at Beckton. I hav never bean that far aweigh from my territtorree. i hope it is sunny and nice four her their.