Thoughts of a Top Cat

halo, well at the time of righting i ca'nt put up know pickshers wot makes me very cross but its the silly bloggy thing wo'nt let me do, my dad say it is a softwhere problem.

well, wear to start?

I woz not ver ver well and had too go and sea mr uncle josh, the veritenirer........ vetinary....... vertiner...... oh, thingy, vet sirjohn. cos i had a ver weepy aye and the other woz orlsow saw (cos ayes doo get saw cos yoo sea throo them, sea?) but i do no how to spell the werd for not well - yoo orl think i is gowing to rite pawly but yoo is rong - ha! ha! cos i has looked it up, the spell the werd for not beeing well - pourly cos yoo is pour. clever me, getting that won rite eh??

well, my ayes-y-pyses doo get saw cos i has these blocked ducks from when i woz a tye-knee baby and had the floo. so mr josh dun put oinkment in my ayes, and an injeckshon. my dad orlso say to mr uncle josh that he is wurried bout how i is working. mr josh say i woz working like jon waine (hoo hee??) and then he look at my bottom and say it is ver ver saw. well, i cood have told him that myself, i has had a ver sor botty for kwite a long time but i think that the botty is most pryvet so i did not tell my payrents. ferst mr josh stick a thingy up my botty wot is ver ver rood too doo!!! and say my temperatyour is fine - i no my frend paddy ebenezer like this stick up the botty but i think it is not at orl nice thank yoo ver much!!!!! so, mr josh put oinkment on it wot woz not nyther. mr josh then give me an injeckshon of auntie-by-otic wot i is very good about. he orlso way me and say that i is waying two much and i cood becum a dye-a-bettick - well, i is not going to beecum that cos i is a cat orlreddy.

mr josh send us home with more aunti-bye-0ttick wot acksherley taste ok. and too oinkments!! won four my ayes and wun four my bottee. they is just like hooman oinkments. my dad has yoosed an oinkment corled fuckidin (he wo'nt let me say wear but it is on his bottee, tee hee, tho he say it woz a long time ago, and zo has yoosed it on her lips when they crack) and i had fuckiton for my ayes and fuckitup for my bottee. Sew, too times a day my payrents grab me and stick the tabloids down my mowth, then my mum doo my ayes and my dad doo my bottee wot woz ver saw for the first cupple of days. i did not liek this gowing on too times ever day and only stopped when my mum got porely and went to bed with a bad colde. my dad tride on his owne and he cood doo my ayes but he cood'nt werk out how too doo my bottee on his own(tee hee), cos wun weigh he coodnt' sea my bottee and the uther weigh i cood run aweigh. ha ha ha.

but seeriussly, my payrents woz wurrid bout my working so my dad rushed me back to mr uncle josh ferst thing on the mundee mourning. but bye then i woz working ok but mr josh looked at my bottee and orl and stuck his finger rite up my bottom!!!!!! well, that woz most incrediblee rood!!!!! wot he think he dooing??????? he saying he checking my poo and that orl is ok up their!!!!!!!!!! reely, orl he have too doo is arsk nice and politely, i sumtimes wunder bout mr uncle josh even tho he the nicest veriterineriree sirjohn we has ever had.

wye has i not bin blogging? cos my dad has bin saying that he has bin two bizzee lerning lots of lines and he not leaving the pooter on - coo he is shellfish. wot doo hee meen???? how can yoo lern lines, yoo draw them????? ah, then i werk it out he has bin looking at my map of the hole werld - even outside zone 6 and trying to lern the lines on their like northen, baykerloo, cercle (wot is not a cerckle - tippical hooman rong) ect and orl the wons wot is not cullered in yet, liek wot go too the end of the werld at gravesend ect. he say it got nuthink too doo with that but got too doo with sumthink corled the mousepoo or mousecrap. but i will test him on how menny of the stayshons names he has lernd, just yoo weight!!!!!

wot else????

oh yes, the sentral heeting boiler is total broke and mr pat say he hav to fit a noo won. in case yoo has not red my uther blogs this is a tippical hooman get-it-rong. sentral heeting doo not heet the centre of the house at orl but just a little cubberd and the rest is dun by the ray-dee-ayters wot doo not ray-dee-ate. so the house is bluddy cold and their is the odd noisee fire around but it not much good. of corse, beeing a brillant top cat with lots and lots of luverly furr i is fine (orltho i doo preefurr it when it is nice and worm in the house) but my payrents wot do'nt has no furr, hah!! is moning moaning bout it beeing colde everywear. runty do'nt have much furr and she do'nt like it and gwen ai'nt got her ray-dee-eighter too strech out on. the payrents mone cos the barthroom is colde and the towels do'nt dry ect ect ect mone moane moan. look, hoomans if yoo had a lot of furr and yoo licked yoreself clean and cood reech yore own bottom too lick yoo wood have nun of thees problems cos we is just better orl round!!!!!!!!!!! they has hot worter cos they got sumthink corled an immershon heeter in the tank???????? pardon??????? ca'nt bee botherd too arsk him wot that meen.

oh yes, and then yesterday the kettle wot my dad bort ownly last febbree from mr john lewis. he say this is the last straw!!!! no, sorree dad, its' a kettle and hav nuthink too doo with straw and thay has a ver ver old wun with a baykerlite handle wot they poot on the gas. if they just drank from a butch bole outside like wot i duz they wood not need a kettle at orl.

wot else??? oh yes, zo fell over and broke her arm. well, that make too persons. their's oskers mum wot fell over her owne frunt step when not drunk and still have problems with her rist. zo fell over a tree trunk stump wot the cownsill left (i no wot a cow is but not a cownsill), wot woz orl dark. danl wot has werked in a-n-d say the brake not bad and the orthopod say it heeling well. still, and i no i has sed this beefour but i say it aggen, if hoomans worked on orl fors like wot cats duz they wood not forl over and brake bones. maybee with eva-lotion hoomans will eevolv to work on orl fors in the end cos its' better.

i has probblee fourgot lots. oh yes, my bruv and sister cum to sea mee larst sunday. danl brort roses as joojooal wot is orlweighs ver nice to me n runty and zo brort sumwun noo corled ben wot is a ginger like mee!!!! so thats' ok!!!!!! its' orlweighs grate to see my bruv and sister (even tho zo still wont to fite mee for the pecking order wot i is higher in th pecking order than wot she is, and danl am orlweighs rood bout my wait cos he is jelluss of mee cos he not clever enuff to bee a vet and ownlee doo dockter werk on hoomans so he car'nt tuch my bottom!!!!).

i will blog aggen soon and get sum nice noo fotoes of me up on the blog.