Thoughts of a Top Cat

well, it woz not a ver good weak end four mee. ferst brekfarst woz a bit on the laite side then i had gwenny reely reely cornerd in the play room like wot she cood not get out of, eckstrar good cornerd, and my dad sore mee and told me to leve her aloane, so i nipped out throo the cat flap sharpish and my dad came out of the kichin daw and i had to go harf weigh up the guardin (still it woz bluddy good fun) but i did not care cos the whether woz sew nice.

then i had settled for my seeriuss sleap on my king size bed wot i share nicely with the payrents, cos i is that sort of cat wot shares nicely, ho hum, and my mum throes me off and strips off orl the sheets and doovay cuvver and pillose and orl, wot woz a most unplezzant shock. so i gets back up on too the mattriss and i start too settle down aggen cos i is reely tired and its' my bed dew-ring the day and orl cos its' a time share (nicely) and orl that and its' MINE!!!! and this time. and she through mee off aggen and put clean sheats and orl on and clean doovay cuvver and orl like wot do'nt have the nice smell, and then i cood get on it for my sleap. honnest the weigh payrents go about dooing things at times wen the bed is'nt even there's unless they is very pourly. and my dad woz'nt eeven their too save me but he did give me a nice stroke layter.

and then in the eevning their woz lot's of horrible bangs cos of this cuttlery thing guy forks. horrible and it maid mee orl miserble and i had to sit on my mum lots (my dad is out orl the time in the eevnings now trapping mouses or sumthink) cos i woz not happy at orl.

then i got cached aggen on sunday mourning chaysing gwen (yuk! yuk!). this time i had her traped on top of the gas fire wot we woz yoosing when the raydee-eighters woz orl colde, and aggen my dad telled me off, rotten meeney. but this time i just poped out throo the cat flap for a min and had a nice littel wosh.

oh, yes, mr pat finishd putting in the noo boiler for the tinee drying room and had to put a raydee-eighter in their to cos the noo boiler thing is yoosless and hardly gives out enny heat in that room - mr pat sez this is corled ee-fish-n-see, i corl it bluddy yoosless. he has orlsow maid orl the raydee-eighters go nice and hot aggen so the hole house feels much nicer aggen. i still do'nt sea wot a silly central heeting boiler wot only heet the center, like that littel cubberd, got too doo with the ray-dee-aters not werking. well, they doo now and mr pat sez that he has got rid of twenty to yeres of muck as well.

my mum sez she wo'nt go too yogat toonite cos of the bangs and will stay with us, but my dad wot has beecum shellfish sez he is gowing out mousetrapping aggen this eevning. sum peepel!