Thoughts of a Top Cat

Doo not bee afrayed of these fotose - it is a fearce killin masheen but it is ownly mee.

Well, in the maw noose thing my rite eye (or woz it my left aye) got ver narsty aggen. Now, too show wot I has lernd about spelling, sea, wen an aye is not good it is not saw but the spelling is soar, ok? just like if you have a bad paw the werd is not pawlee but pourly, ok??? Few, I think I got that rite. Well, my aye got ver soar aggen and i was tayken for an eemergencee appointment but Mr Uncle Josh woz not their but a laydee wot is corled Tray-see (a good name when yoo have an I problem). She thort my aye woz ver pourlee and she gave me oinkment, a noo won not Fuckidon, some maw auntie-biotics and a big injeckshon. That woz orl ok but then my mum and dad too times evry day woz sticking the tabloids down my mouth (they were ok and I wood have eeten them ennyweigh and sticking oinkment in my I, wot I got kwite cross about in the end.

I is tayking lots and lots and lots of ecksersize, as yoo can sea from the fotose, playing with corky one and corky one to. I is sorry if I has scared enny of yoo with thees fotose cos I no that yoo think i is a huntin fytin killin masheen, but luckilly my payrents keep mee well fed sew i is pritty gentle with it orl. my dad doo go to a man corled jim at fatness fast for ecksir-sighs but i has my territtorree to wotch, my corkys to play with and i is orlsow the family bodgometer, cos they can tell wot the whether is like cos i is so big and brave that i go out in it and then they can feel my coat and then they no how it is outside. sumtimes i need to check that it is the same in the frunt and the back but my payrents do'nt like me gowing in the frunt even tho it is part of my territtorree.

better get back to my big bed for a bit more wrest beefour the eevnings' werk.