Sunday, August 13, 2006


sum werd meenings and spelings!! Sigh.

I is sumtiems arsked by less educated cats wy sum werds mean wot they do and is spelt that wey.

Hear ar a cupple of common werds I has bin arsked abowt recently for egg sample:

Lawndry: Now I no bout dis cos I help hang out der lawndry (acksherly it has bin sooooo hot I has not dun much recently. This is soooooooo obvius. Where do you hang der lawndry out? Hmm? In der guardin. And were in der guardin? On der lawn, of course. Sea? Simple inni't.

Guardin: Wy is der guardin called der guardin? Cos it needs guardin from intruders and is wot i dus wen i is on petrole round my territtorree. Sea? Simple. And der family by a noospaper called Der Guardin but most of its not bout flours.

If yoo has any problems bout meenins of werds or spelins or grammer, just send dem too me, but do'nt make dem reely stoopid or I mite get cross. OK?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? (cos i still liek it - tee hee).

Saturday, August 12, 2006


der SECRET cubbord!!!!!!!!!!!

in der playroom ware we sleep - well its not a playroom any mor cos danl and zo dont really live here any mor and dont' play no mor in der (not dat i mis dem at all, o no, cos top cats is two tuff four dat), der hoomans wotch telly in der and shout - wheres der remote control!!!! well i cant' find der tape enny wear and it hasnt' got a lable on it!!!!! - ver nasty wen dese conversations is takin plaice.

well, der is a cubbord in der wot we cats has never ever ever bin aloud in and yesterday der most amazin fing happend i got to go in it free times and i was'nt stopped wonce!! my pairents cleared it out. oh my god, day say, 21 years of crud!!!! all dese paint tins and fings. well, i tell you it was pritty amasin der ferst tiem i went in their, der smells woz amazin and ver old and musty dusty and strange. and ver very exciting!!!! i worked all der way round sniffin, brilliant!!!!!!!!!! just brilliant.

den dey spent a long long time puttin all der stuff owt in der guardin on der patio and grass, all of it all of it. ah, dey say, luk, danl's push chair and der big bruvver seet he yoused to sit on on der pram wiv zoe under it - bin!!!!!!! and orl sorts of strange stuff. now wen yoo is top cat in dis situation it is most important to make shure dat ever body nos whoo is der top cat. well i kant spray liek a few cats dat has cum into my territorree over der yeers (and is acksherly a bit frightenin) - dont no wy i kant spray liek dat and have a deep yowly voice) so i sleep on everyfink. der woz a ver ver old kertain fing wot woz ver comfy and old boxes and torn plastic ground sheets and plastic bags. yes, my job is to sit on dem and have a quik nap to show der paffetic feemails just hoo is der top cat arownd here. i did let der feemails have won look around in der cubbord. too be onest i dont' liek changes in my hoam so i had to chek on everything.

den day go froo evryfink for ours and ours and fro away loads and loads and loads and sought uvver stuff. dey find loads of pix wot dey took befour danl was borne wen dey made black and white pickshers at home wiv big equipment dey found in der cubbord.

dey mum swept der cubbord and dad moped it and made it all clean. i went in and it was amazin der spaice in der and der cleen smell but it were'nt so intrestin. but a good spaice and i wanted to maik it mine.

den dey started puttin stuff back in - well, wots der point of dat!?!?!?!?!?!? yoo take it out, clean der fing and den put stuff back in - hoomans is just so stoopid. so, anyway, dey put stuff back in and say - oh, dats much better, now yoo can find der tools and der paints and der brushes and fings wen yoo need dem. i arsked my dad if i cud have a look in agian and he let me and it was not as exiting as it woz wen i ferst went in der it was clean and borin and i didnt' have so much stuff to clime around like wot i did der ferst time as der top kat. but it is ver ver important dat i was able to chek on der cubbord and maik shure it was ok.

but wots reely stoopid is wot dey dun wiv orl der old stuff. dey filld der old volvo estate fool of it. now dis is reely stoopid cos if dey fil der car wiv orl der stuff it dont' leave no spaice for puttin peeple and shoppin and stuff!!! they goin to hav to put der stuff sum wear else in dee end. but we will have to weight and sea.

der hoomans woz ver ver pleezed wiv dem selves. pointless i fink, takin stuff out, putting it back and fillin a car. wot a way to spend der day!!!!!!!!!

oh yes. and dey still dont' liek it wen i go out in der frunt but it is part of my territtorree!!!!! and i dus not liek bein picked up and bein told i is not klever enuff or farst enuff to do in der front. der is annuvver ginger cat, long fer and finner than me and he gose all der way up and down der road so if i do'nt go owt frunt how can i protect my territorree from him????? hoomans just dont understand!!!!!!!!

wot a tyring day it woz but i slept well. quite excitin reely.

the bodge.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006


too many hiltons


i dont' get it wiv hiltons. danle my hooman bruvver has bin livin in a teeny villig called hilton dorset and has now moved to dartmouth road. well, dartmuth road is just on the corner hear and I ai'nt sean him!! den i's told his dartmouth road goes to dartmouth or were yoo can get a furry cross der river. i has werked dis out; dartmouth is called dartmouth cos it is at der end of der river mouth!!! sea!! simple if yoo have branes. anyway i dont' go dat far from my territtorree!!!

den zoe, my hooman sista, der won below me in der peckin order, she went off to vienna hilton with allstares. oh v posh she says and food and drinks all der tiem and internet and telly and fings. sounds liek home to me, so wy go away????

den i puts my bottom on der berliner graudian - v good - cos i can cuvver it all - and dey has pix of paris hilton. and on der internet dey say sea der latest pics of paris hilton. why i want to look at pix of a hotel, i ask yoo?? see der plasmic sergery look at der bleach!!! wot is orl dis? hoo cares wot dey do to a buildin??????? after orl der paris hilton is only a fing to sleep on for der nite!!!!!!!!!!

oh yes oh yes oh yes, disgustin!! my hooman dad is most upset. zo and allstairs brort back a rubber barfftime duck called Hilton - cos it sais so in blue on der side - from there holiday and it dont' werk. In der barff worter it fall on it's side all der tiem, it wo'nt swim upright or downright, it wobble abowt on i'ts side. well dats a pritty perfetic present if yoo arks me!!! my hooman dad is most upset.

enuff of dese silly hill tons, i just dont' wont won in my territttorrreeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


double dutch and wacko jacko?

My hoomans went away and a nies duch cupple staid hear. dey was ver frendly to me. der naims was yoste and ediff. natruly joste took fotos of me and bein arty he decided to make sumfink creative out of me and hear it is!!! there must be lots of me in dis picksher, at least 5!!!! in fact der mor der is ov me der better!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? (cos i still liek it). portraits of me is dead good.

but dutch is a ver strange language. i fort dey woz being sick at ferst and den realised dey was speekin too each uther!!! dubble dutch it was to me, cudnt'; make hed or tail of it or runty's tale. we don't call der cuntry dutchland and dey get kross if you say deutchland. dey call it der neverlands. well, i thort wacko jacko lived in never never lands, so der duch must be wacko two!!! well, diss is all beyond my territorree!!! so out on petrol i go to guard der guardin.

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