Thoughts of a Top Cat

Cummpny can be nise. Hear is pickshers of me n runty. in wun yoo can sea us on der gardin lungers having a luvly tiem in der evnin havin a chat but we also sumtiems sleap tugevver inside on der cumfy posh sofa wen we is aloud too. so hoo sez i is not a niece cat wot dus'nt shair!!!!!

Der hoomans is ver neice to me and put out lungers in the guardin in der sumer. Now, I does let dem use dem a bit and sumtimes i has to wait and wate for dem to get off so dat i can get on. and den dey sumtiems say - "now, share nicely". wots dis shair niecely fing?????? dats not wot top cats duz nor dus i liek bei'ng shuvd of or bein tolde to shaire nisely.

in dese pickshers i is havin a niece quite evenin rest cos its' bin sooooo hott!?!?!?!?!?!?!? so i offen wate untill der evnin befour i use der lunger unless i'ts in der shaid. lungers is brill and i liek dem ver ver much. but i dus not liek bein throne off!! okay!>!>!> its' my mum wot dus it most even wen i is on diss lunger wot is der wun wot gives such brill kammerflarj and dey say kats ca'nt sea kolors - wot ever dat is.

Now, you has scene jickshers of der shed and runty n me on it. well, we has to sheds in der guardin not just wun!!!! Ho yess, we is posh, ded posh. not menny peeple has two sheds yer no!! Yoo has only scene pickshers of der old small shed wot i let runty yoos. but we also has a big posh new shed at der top of der guardin and yoo has to be big and brave, reely only a top cat can yoos it. well, dis is mee lookin down on my hoomans takin rarver niece pickshers of me so it just shose how hi up it is.

my hooman dad thort yoo mite liek dese. der won on der left luks fien to me but i supose i better let him yoos my blog as he ai'nt got wun of his own.

Der uvver is from John Lewis wot is suposed to be a shop wot nose how to spell and nose its gramar and how to yoos der appostroffee - see, just liek mee, stick em were yoo wont. miend yoo Der Guardinia noos paper is "no better" says my dad - childrens' - dey right says my dad, pah and grrrr! wots rong wiv dat? nuffin as far as i can sea. any way i hope der hoomans is happy bout dis, all i can say is just right wot yoo wont when you wont and spel how yoo feel dat momen't. and pop; in an appostroffee wen yoo wont two'.

sumtiems i liek to lie on my desck and wy not. my hooman dad cuvvers it in papers den gets cross cos i moove dem out der way too maick space for ME!!!!! or i moov his glassis onto der flaw and den he treds on dem, stoopid person!!! and den sumtiems wen i is havin a seeriuss seareeuss sleap or finkin wiv my eyes closed he wonts a paper from under mee!!!! der nerv!!! I tell you, i dont' let him get a way wiv dat, oh no!!! he get a bluddy gud skratch from me if he try and den he get bluddy cross wiv me back. dis is total non respeck for der top cat wot is hear all day protectin der hous and all.

den he mones bout my pours. specially wen its' wet and i marck his papers and he says bugger off thats' important!!!! and stoopid stuff liek dat. wen i is wet i always need to dry my pores and papers is almost as good as a lap cos dey has to sea how brave i is wen it cums to gettin wet and bein top cat and all. dese is my poures wen dey is nice and dry. yoo wont cleen pawes den dont; have a top cat ok???? sell-fish sell-fish sell-fish dats wot hoomans is?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? (cos i still liek it). it gose wiv der teritorree, sister!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i has recievd cristisisms cos i has not bin bloggin. look!!!! yoo may fink i can just sit at der puter and do dis bloggin fing but i tel you it taeks a lot of finking bout and den der is der typin befor i has foregotten wot i is finkin. hear!!!! just look at dese fotos of me. i cum upstares to blog and i had brillant forts, natchurally, and i fort i wud just have a littel rest beefor der bloggin typin cos der finkin is ver hard, and den i fort i wood just close my littel peepers for just a few seckonds and den i foregot wot i woz goin too say!! yoo sea, when yoo has to fink bout der strategies of petrolin and guardin der guardin and mindin der heet and everyfing, it is just ver ver hard werk to eckspeckd me to blog two!!! but i has decided to do sum more bloggin now.

Der is a lot of tutt tuttin goin on about sumfin calld globule warmin. Now i does'nt know alot bout dis but i is havin a ver ver hard lief sunday barfin ever day. I has to hide in der bushes sumtimes cos it is soooooo hot!! runty preefurrs to sleep in der flowerbed or on der shed in dappled sunlight, wot is ver luvly but dont' make her less of a runt. I is goin to sho yoo lots of pickshers of me sun bavin cos it is loverly. In fact, dats wy i hasnt' bin bloggin recently cos eyes bin two bizzy sleepin in der guardin and uvver places. So, woch for lots of fotos of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dese fotoes is partikly nice. der ferst shose how i is genrus and shair der old shed wiv runty for cumpny. Der second shose me on my summer tabel. der hoomans put up a plastick tabel in sumer and i find it ver ver good for sunbarvin on in der mornins as it gets lots of son den. i lets dem yoos der tabel for meels but its' reely mien!!! sumtiems day leeve a tebel cloff on it wot is niece and soft and den dey say - bugger off biggles! diss has got to goe to der wosh now!! and uvver luvly fings liek dat. also muy dad opens der daw and i can get strait in too brekfast fast. its a hard life diss summer. and now ders a hoas pipe ban so der dad hooman works up der guardin wiv too bucketts watrin der highdrangers all der time, altho sum of the flours is quiet low so wy dey is calld highdrangers i don';t know, ah, unless its hide-rangers!!! cos i can hide in dem, yeah, dats it. clever kat in i??!!

but diss hole globule warmin fing. oh dear oh dear all der bodies tutt, not enuff rane too much sunn etc etc. luk, wen der sun shines loads runty dont' piss in der howze and is ver ver happy (well do;'nt piss ver offen) and i can sleep out lots and be on guard and fings - not dat i mind rane, oh no, not me, cos i is a top kat sea!!!!!). and wots rong wiv hot sun shine. I can warm my tummy all der tiem and my tummy is high in polly un satyoo rates cos of mr hill-science. so, stop all der bleedin winjin and enjoy der sumer.