Thoughts of a Top Cat

Well, i arsked runty wen we woz sittin on der table der uvver day havin a chat - hooray, my dad got out our sunday bay-thing table agen!!! I arsked her wot orl dat stuff woz about wot is ritten beelow, and she sed too mee that she wood hav a look and then she cum back and sed that she did'nt know or care. well, i had anuvver reed of it and honest i cood not understand a bleedin werd of it, rubbish if yoo arsk mee, and it woz so tiring i needed just a few minutes sleep two get over it.

then i arsked my dad if wen i woz sleapin liek in der top picksher if dat woz der paranod/skizzod posishon and he said - no. so i arsked him if he cood show me der paranod/skizzod pozishon and he said - no he carnt doo it but he thinks yoo can learn it at yogourt classes ware hoomans lern too doo things wot we katz doo ennyway. oh, i thort, hoomans is even more stoopid than i thort and i went back too sleap.

Guten tag, my name is Friedrich Pumpernickel und I heff been asked to explain to you vye der two female katz in dis house dislike each other so much. In oerder to achieve zis I must use der Kleinian theoretical position; to klerify, ziss iss der theoretical position of Melanie Klein and iss not connected viss der work of Gibbon's Die Klein und Fall of der Roman Empire.

Tosca (Runty, Nu-Nu) is split from her tail that she sees as a separate being and tormentor, she bites the tale to punish it for tormenting her but the pain from the bite torments her even more so she bites it again or washes it very vigorously vis her rasping tongue. Gwenhwievah (Gwenny) suffers from deep set paranoia even at the best of times and her feelings of persecution are brought into reality because of her near psychotic persecutory impulses zet she projects onto uzzers. Both these can be understood within the paranoid/schizoid position, which sits uncomfortably with Freud's model of pre-Oedipal development as it occurs at a much earlier age. It could be said zet Klein's theory vas too Jung for Freud but zis wouldt not be correct.

Zo, vot iss der paranoid/schizoid position? It is a very primitive state of early childhood and kittenhood with massive use of projective identification and splitting processes to cope with unmanageable anxieties. There is poor integration and it can lead to psychosis. Now, I am not saying that Runty and Gwenny are psychotic, well not much of the time, thanks to wonderful care in the community that they have received. But it is clear from this description that they each display one of the two aspects of the paranoid schizoid position, and even when feeling their best can lapse back into it. Runty has the split off schizoid and Gwenny the persecuted paranoia. So, when they meet each other they are confronted with the other half of their projected identification and must remain split, vich for zem is intolerable!!!!!

Vee must alzo look at two uzzer concepts; der goodt and bad breast und der vagina. Tosca only vants to drink from taps, cold vater taps; for her zese are der good breast from which she can gain the sustenance her desperately dry system can be satisfied with oral pleasure but the hot taps are the bad taps, the enemies that pour out unwanted water when the humans want to wash their hands etc. Her fixation on these taps and her need to drink in this way rather than from the bowls that contain polluted water, shows a fixation and rigidity to possess for herself at a very primal level the mother's breasts in a rigid and very early primal state. I would conclude from this that Tosca did not have a satisfactory termination to her breast feeding with her mother and may well have been suddenly and untimely removed from this nurturing.

As the room with the cat flat is in Gwenny's territory Tosca has now reached a position where she cannot use this flap to enter or exit, entry is especially impossible for her; thus, the vagina that delivered her has been rejected. Her use of the ventilation hole in the utility room was at find her own, better maternal vagina from which to have an untroubled delivery. However, Gwenny knows this and has started to use this particular vagina - these should not be seen in a symbolic way as the paranoid/schizoid position is most concrete - and to mark it with her smell, thus creating ambiguity and confusion where it cannot be permitted. What can Tosca do, perforce she must use this if she is unable to persuade a human to open the kitchen door, through which unencumbered movement can be made.

For Klein progress from zis state is into ze depressive position? Vant to try it, sweetie, a life time of depression? Und here she falls down, der Klein und fall; if you look at Biggles, der top kat, he iss in no way depressed but is a contented beast who hess his life pretty much worked out. He has no problems and keeps der two females in perspective, he hess nothink to contribute to the runt's splitting but he can help Gwenny with her paranoia, end ziss he does willingly.

Senk you. Zet vill be ten guineas please und I am most happy to commence a full Kleinian psycho-analysis with each cat for a modest daily flea......er......fee. And as the psyche of the cats is less complex than a human I estimate a speedy resolution in approximately nine years.

wot is a kwizz? well, a kwizz is wear yoo is arsked kwizzchons and yoo has to giv the arnsers, ok? and i is not going to help yoo nyther.

look at these fotograrfs; is they a lion in der jungle? is they that huge liger mix of lion and tiger? or maybe a panther running ver fast? or is it me in my guardin workin throo der long grass cos my dad hasnt' cut it yet and sniffin der blue bells wot is a luvly littel flours now der daffies has gon? is i brilliantlee cammooflarged or can yoo sea mee?

now i is ackshirley not going to giv yoo no hints at orl on this won yoo is going to have to werk it orl out for yoreselves.

its' a tuff won so good luck.

Mee n runty got tolde off by dad cos of chaysing gwenny. well, gwenny has bin getting very norty. she has bin eating lots of runtys' speshal food even in frunt of her wen runty nose she shood'nt eat mr hills science food and this upsets runty. but gwen has bin sneeking up stares and kreepin into bedrooms and sleapin under beds even managing it sumtimes when runty or me is asleep in the room, like on hour dubble bed!! she nose its' not her territtorree upstares but she is still doing it to annoy us and she is marking fernitsher and things with her smell wen its hours too doo!!!!

well, gwen thort she wood sneak up stares and go under a bed yesterday mourning wen ever body was asleep accept dad (danl and rosies woz staying two) but runty sore her going up stares and chased her up and gwen found herself trapped with no daw open too go into a room. well, gwen new she was in der rong and runty had a reel go at her, der language was reely shocking even for an experienced top cat like mee to here. dad went up stares to brake it up and runty started down the stares and gwenny hid behinde der lorndry basket. dad wonted them bothe downstares but runty woz waiting for gwenny part whey down, so gwenny had to jump throo der bannisters to get down.

well, gwenny dun cum into der play room in case she needed to yoos der cat flap and get out and i cort her their and got her in a corner and i told her wot four and even rased a poor at her with my clores out!!! ho yes, we top cats knead to keep the uthers in plaice. well, dad dun cum down cos he herd me tellin gwenny wot four and orl that and he sed i shood not doo that sort of thing and leave her aloane. so gwen dun went out and i got told off two but it woz werth it and we woz not reely punisht or nuthin. (but she sneaked back in a bit later cos i sore her and she sneaked under a bed up stares for long long time of sleapin - wot is bad).

oh yeh, dad is gettin a bit fed up with runty two!! cos she is sleapin on his chare by der puter alot and likes it in the arfter noon, speshally, and if dad is sittin on it she looks at him and complanes very loud that he shood get off der chare and give it to her (she is on it now, this mourning, two, cos its' not sunny out) and if he do'nt she just stairs at him and complanes and the moment his bum doo lift off der chair even a cupple of inches she is on it like a shot even if she looks asleep someware!!! dad is less than thrilled with this.

bleedin feemails, eh, hood have them, eh? wot is they four?

oh, runty arsked if i cood put up sum noo fotos of her and i sed yes, so hear she is sunday bay-thing and sitting on her lorndry barskit wen she like der pong of der payrents cloaths cummin up to re-ashoor her.

oh, they had der final (wot ever that is) of yoo-iver-sally challenged on telly and worrick wun. but i noo dis beefour cos zo is at worrick and her frend daisy (wot is a ver nice flour wot grose in our moss (or lorn as dad corls it)) woz captin. zo woz at skool wiv daisy two!! enny way they one sumthing, not shure wot but we orl has too say, jolly good fing and wears my corky?

zo and all-stares left tooday cos dey have there finals things cumming up wot dont' make them to happy at orl. but all-stairs is sooooooo clever he got a ded good job munths ago four wen he finishes and he becomes a meng (not mench - wot is germ-man, wot ever dat is - my dad made me put that) zo will be a ba, like a sheep.

oh, runty am missin her mum, cos altho they woz kicked back too her bed runty is sleapin on it weightin for her mum too cum back - stoopid cat.

and we opend a noo bag of hills science - hooray i like der stuff at der top of der noo packit and in duz not, duz not like der botom of der bag!

dad sez he wonts to rite sum stuff bout florens but i sez he ca'nt too nite cos hes not old enuff and shood go to bed - hes a bit cross at dis.

Intrestin picks dat I thort yoo wood like to sea. Dis is corled a Liger; a daddy lion got frendly with a mummy tiger and dey decided to have a baby together wot is bigger than they are!! But I no dat reeders of this blog wont' be scared cos yoo has seen much more fritening fotos of me gardin der shoppin or camooflarged in der daffydills and fings, never minde playin wiv corkey der cork!! i shood fink he eets alot of hills science in a day. and hes' got a bit of a tummee!!!!!

well der payrents is back from visitin der lady corled florence. gess wot!! unlike cats wot is clever and speak cat, rite? hoomans ca'nt orl understand each uther!!!! amazin!!! yoosless. for egg-sample; wear florence is in her language she is noane as "Frenzy" and "see" means "yes", and if you rite "dove" it do'nt mean soap but means ware or wear or where. say means if ect ect. how stoopid can yoo get. well thats' not orl; der payrents is fooriusss; they did some flying and der meenee hairline thing, kept dem waiting and weighting and weighting on der run up away fingy and den sed we is not bringin yore luggage it orl stay hear but yoo can fly. so der payrents is fooreeuss cos dis pip squeak hairline, meridiana, still has'nt sent der luggage fing wiv der cloves and fings (cos hoomans dont' have feurr).

well, yoo arsk, how woz der hous while der payrents woz away. well, of corse, i was left in compleet charg for der hole too weaks!! zoe was hear wiv all-stares, she go evryware with him, orl kissy kissy yuk yuk and sit at there computers lots, dunno Y. cos i is hyer in der peckin order dan her she has to have dis bloke around so she can try and be on top of me, hmmmmm. and der bluddy cheak dey mooved into my king size bed wot i lets mumm and dad yoos a bit at nite without even arksin me!!!!!!! and allstairs woz grumblin wen i settled on der bed wen my speshal cuvver woz not pooled up - bluddy cheak, in my house. (but acksherley, and do'nt tell no won - it woz reely nice to see zo agen and allstares is not that bad even if he dont' no how to treat a cat proper. it was nicer to have them hear than to be left wiv no hooman in der house and mimi cummin in too feed me - even tho she is nice. me n zo get on ok reely and she is runtys' mummy.
but its' good to have der payrents back, i could help hang out der woshin wiv dad then help mum get it in, makin shure no won attacks them and steels der sheets, even tho if hoomans woz as good as cats dey wood not knead too doo woshin. and it woz nice too day, sleepin on der shed wiv runty. oh yeh, runty wot part of her runtiness is her paffetic feur, looks to have got her ears all sun burnt cos dey is orl pinkee. tee hee. oh yeh and runty dun a big pea on der carpet on der stares like wot she has'nt dun four a loooong time, just arfter der payrents had gon to sea florence (frenzy). danl and rosies woz still hear den and she moped it up.

good to have der payrents back so i has sumwun too share der runnin of der house - not that I cant' doo it without them.

time for a sleap