Thoughts of a Top Cat

Hoo hoo, hello cats out their!!!! its' been grate to here from yoo orl!!! I is very very egg-sited to get news from uther cats about my blog and too wont to chat with me. I am sorry if sum of yoo find it difficult to reed my blog, i ca'nt see why, orl I do is try too spell werds the way thay sound. I have notisd that sum werds can be spelt maw than won whey and I do get a bit muddled then so I try to werk them out best as I can. Spelling is ver ver hard for me but I do my best onest. As to the yoos of the appropostrotoffee thingy, I try to reed the whey it is yoosed but as my blog shose its' all a bit bonkers.

der picksher is ov der poo tray wot my dad dun for runty. she yoosed it der day she cum back from der vet and in der next mourning but now she prefurrs to go owt again altho she bluddy haits it. shes' bonkers.

Hello Oscar!!!! Ver nice to here from yoo agen and from Molly two!! Yore sister. And she went out in the snow like wot I dun. I did'nt try to catch sno flakes cos I is to groan up for that and ennyway I is still playing with corky the cork lots and lots. Molly souwnds nice, not like the miggit gwen wot i has to be nice too. yuk!

I is impressed that your hooman can clame for wee wee problems on der insurance, Runtys' insurance form sez that orl her pre-existing condishons are exluded wot ever that meens. I think it meens that her legs and ears and tale (cos they do'nt no just how much she bites it and just how scabby and yukky it is) are cuvvered but just about nuffink else is, so dad gives the lady at joshs' his bit of plastic and she puts in numbers then dad puts in numbers and looks a bit glum, then she givs him a peace of paper and then thay cum home.

I has still not found west yorkshire on my tube map where is it? I no my big bruvver is living with archie kitten near Dartmouth and I no wear that is cos if I go to the edge of my territtorree out frunt (wot is norty) I can see Dartmouth Rowed on der corner so Danl and Rosies and archie must be near their.

hallo shaddow!!!

I looked for Canada on my map and I found Canada Warf in der east end of Lunden, is that wear yoo liv, cos thats' a long long whey from hear? rite outside my territtorree. I wood'nt wont to work all that way, my pours wood get very saw and its' two far four me to petrole. My dad sez he wunce went to canada a long long long time ago - a mr nixon woz having his impeachment or sum froot like that then, and it woz very big and ver bootiful. my mum says that wunce on the internet she found her granddads' lost bruvvers family in canada and now she has lots and lots and lots of cuzzins in canada to go and sea wun day. so i expect i cant sea canada even if i run across the rode (wot I only doo wen nobodee is looking -shhh). how cum yoo dont' go out? is it even coalder than hear?? im shure that if i lived in canadia i wood be big and tuff and go out in the sno even if it tuched my tummy!!! ho yes.

Its' coald in the house hear. my parents whent away and left me in charge just for wun nite but the boiler has stopped werking. this is corled central heating but ackshirley it gose orl over the house and not just in the center, silly name. enny way the metal thingies in the rooms get hot and its' nice. well, they ah orl colde and the house is coald and their is just the odd fire hear and their, wot i dont' like. my dad sez he cant' find the place to make the sparky to try to relite der boiler so we have to weight four pat and pats hert his back bad so maybee can cum two morrow. i hope sew cos it is a bit chilly. lucky i got ver ver good fur and am very tuff and strong.

Wears Canada?

enny weigh nice to here from yoo orl!!!

Do not be fritend of dese pickshers (how cum my righting is underlined????) it is not a Sigh-beerian Tyger, its' only me but its' hard too tell the diffrence. Well, it has been snoing lots and lots. Of cause, the uthers do'nt wont to go out at orl cos they is wimps!!!! But even if I do'nt like it I still gose out on petrole, cheque the territtorree, make shure the daffies is still their and stuff liek that. Oh, ho, yes, I is not bovered. But look at der picksher of my butch outside water bole, its' gone orl hard, frozen on top!!!! I dont' no hoo put der hard stuff on der top but it makes yoo think, do'nt it.

Well, even in the sno (oh, der underlining has stopped????????) my dad had to take runty to uncle josh cos their was mor blud from her bum and stuff. So, he took her and its' der ujool, sisteritis, gave her her jabs wot she do'nt like and she cum home. she dont' like goin too josh, hoos a ver ver nice man, cos sh'es scaird bout it herting. She cum back run round and stuff and go even more crazy and look miserable, then she sit on dads' lap, nuzzle his fleece and need him while he work at der puter and then she has a huge drink and gose to sleep on his chare. nuffink new their then.

josh says to dad that we shud hav a poo tray INSIDE in the nasty whether, speshally for runty. dad do'nt like this idea and we dont' normally get it in the winter. pah, i say, only wimps knead a tray inside, sum of us still go out to yoos der grate toilet under the skie (tho not ver much). so now we got an inside shit tray with shit grit innit, i shall hav to think bout this.

But ennyweigh i thort you wood be impresst to sea that nuthink stops me from going out, hah!!!

I woz wotchin der telly der uvver eevnin and it woz about sum gerls corled Anna Rexia (wrecksia?). Well, ackshirley der woz moor than won girl corled Anna Rexia wot woz a bit confewsing. Enny weigh, these gerls do'nt like there food and do'not eet and hav no energee to play or nuffink!!! Look dis is ver ver seeriuss. but i'ts ver simple. Look at these nice piccies. On the left is me eetin runt'ys food and on der rite i is eetin my food. Sea, food is luvly. Der tinkle of food going into der bole is just about the luvliest sound in the werld. Ooh, I luv it cos then theirs moor food in der boles. I yoosed to eet ownly my food but now i has found that I like runt'ys food two! Eatin is soooooooo easie!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? (hav'nt dun won of those for along time).

So, my advice is this. Eet Hills Science and yoo will be fine. Go to der hooman vet's and get a nice big bag. Yoo wo'nt need too doo enny uther shopping or cooking. and its the perfeckt food. just sits in a sack and yoo can take a cup and put it in yore bole. you will be as happy on hills' science as i am (tho i like the taste of eucanyoobah oxcillate you rinry special diet two. If yoo do dis you will have luvly shiny hare and will wont to play with a corky or sumthink similar or go on petrole (if yoo is a boy).

Ferst of orl do not be frytend by these pickshers!! No no it is not a lyon from one of mr attenbergers' progrom's, it is me still honin my huntin and fytin and killin instints wiv corky der cork. and I tell yoo it is alot of egg-sir-size for a cat of my size. yoo sea it is moast important to keep these skills werkin in der winter mumffs wen it is a bit nicer to sleap on a cumfy bed than out in der guardin, not dat i is not dooin my petroles, no no, they is just a bit shorter at the moment.

well, i got a serprise, i can tell yoo, i got a message from anuvver cat wot has startid bloggin. his name is oscar and you kan finde his blog at http://thoughtsofoscar.blogspot.com
his spellin is a bit strainj cos he dont' spell der whey it sounds, properlee like wot i doo, and, too be onnest, he looks a bit smorl and puney to me. but i is ver ver pleesed to have annuver cat bloggin cos it helps hoomans to understand wot life is about. he seems to have some toilet problems - never understood this, yoo just go owt, do it, stay owt if yoo wont or cum back in. i has ver good fur so wo'ts the big deel?

well cum Oskar to der werld of bloggin! i hope too here from yoo agen.

As yoo no I like to sit on der Gardenia noospaper and pick up der noose thru my bottom, like Madona doo with her kabbalar throo tuchin der books and not ackshirley reedin them. Nice picksher of me sittin on der Gardeenian dont' yoo think? Well, der have been too fings in der Gardinian that I wont to tork about.

Dey had a fing bout egg-sir-size - diss is not bout how big eggs is, no no no its' bout runnin round, goin on petrole, playin wiv corky der cork like wot i duz evry day or eevning. Yes yes I is still playin wiv corky der corck, hot stuff i can tell yoo and then i eet and then hav a nice sleep. Well, der Gardinian noospaper dun a artical on egg-sir-size videos and DVDVDs dun by famuss peeple - i never herd of dem - dey is actrissis, modules and some bin in Big Bruvver. Well, i got a big bruvver, danl and he puts videos and DVDVDVDs on lots and I can tell yoo yoo dont' get much egg-sir-size by doin dat so do'nt bye won!!! its' a con, onestly, puttin on videeeos and fings and takin dem out of the machines do not yoos up hardly no energee at orl. doo not by dese videeo dvdvdvd fings. ok?

now, sum of der peepel in dese egg-sir-sighs videos is corled modules. wot is a module, i here yoo arske? well, dey work down sumfing corled a cat work (sumbody told me dat yoo spell work - walk, and yoo spell werk - work, but do'not make no sense in terms of pro-nun-see-ay-shun). sum of dese modules is so thin from workin down der cat work dat dey dont' eat enuff and can even dye!!!!!!!! wot is terrible. it just shoas yoo how much energee we cats yoos up when we work. and dat i yoos up loads and loads of ernergee when i is out on petrole in der guardin wot is a ver ver long cat work. dats why i need to keep eetin my food and keepin well fed and strong.

ooh, yes, der uvver fing in der guardinia is dat dey has been givin away posters. wot is a poaster or poster yoo arsk? well, like me yoo probably thort that a poaster is a man wot delivers der post, letters and stuff evry day; like a runner is sumwon wot runs, a singer is sumwun wot sings ect ect. we has an erly mornin delivery by der poster wot yoojooly cums bout 2 or 3 ocl'ock in der afternoon, and den my dad rites on lots of der envelopes, rongly delivered, not noan, stuff like dat, wot doo not pleese my dad at all.

but i woz rong!!! yes, i no dat almost never happens but i was rong. der is annuver sort of poaster and its' a large picksher wot yoo can stick on yore worl (no!!!! its' not spelt wall, cos yoo dont' say it like dat its' worl, tork smorl, etc. enny way der Gardenia has bin givin way lots and lots of poasters bout boring fings like fish and flowers and garden berds - i no wot gardin berds look like thank yoo!!!! i do'nt need a poster too tell me, or rare berds - well i aint' goin to sea them am i, so wots der point? and dogs - yuk. but at larst dey got it rite and dey dun won on cats. and gess wot, der one for the British Short Hair was a droring that looked just like me!!!!!!!!!! ginger wiv a wite tummy. eck-sept that the droring woz not ackshirley of me cos der cat in der droring woz not enny ware near as good lookin as me. but it shose dat if yoo wont a cat dat is der best of der british short hair yoo go for a cat like me. mind yoo, i fink i is a British Lots of Hair, cos my feur is very fick and lush and luvly even in winter and i can go out in enny wevver on petrole or put my bottom down for a poo and stuff without freezing.

nice pic of me n runty on our dubble bed, dont' yoo think? my pear-rents like to yoos it for a bit at nite, wot i dont' mind but runty doo cos she likes to hav her bed orl der time unless her mummy, zo is hoam den she orlso yooses dat bed. still, nice picksher. acksherly dis picksher woz taken arfter runty n me had gon for lunch and a pea and my dad had shut der dor too put clean sheets on and he did'nt let us back in until heed alsow put der extra cover on wot is hour speshall bed cover wot wee sleep on. nice tho.

I has bin told that I has too hav a noo years' revolution and be nice to boaf der feemails.

ok ok.

Hears' a nice picksher of me n runty in a barf. Why is we in der barf. Well, as yoo no runty drincks from barfs and sincks cos shes' bonkers. she likes the down stares barf roo barf and drinks lots. i is cleverer than her and can drink strait from der tap and not from the bottom of the barf if I wont. Well, i has fancied a drink evry now and then and we woz bofe in der barf havin finisht hour drinks. we maid der barf a bit muddy but we has such nice pours dat its' nice to leave a few prints. ps. runty is as bonkers as ever - i fink its' der water on der brain wot she get from drinkin from the tap in der sinck in der barf room upstares.

i dusnt' wont to tork bout der uvver foto cos its' dat grotty littel cat gwen wot i cant' stand!!!! i is not goin intoo this maw but i is just sayin that wen she gets in my way she noes wot happens!! OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! nuff sed.

and dont' say - ooh, ai'nt shee pritty ect ect

My dad arsked if I wood minde if he put this up on my blog cos of the very very special spellin in it. As yoo no, hooman vets is corled docters and they is supposed to be klever like danl and had a ed-you-kay-shun and know how to spell and stuff. and even when they is not doin the righting the peeple wot werk for them is supposed not too bee to stoopid and ignorant and can orlways have fings checked. Well, my dad sore this notis bout kwestchunairs (on der left) at his own hooman vets in Willsdon and it was still their a weak later. He says that even children in primery skool shood not make this sort of mistake.

Erm.....i has looked at this notis and if enny body can tell me wots' rong i wood bee very grateful, look's okay two me. Do'nt tell my dad i has'snt spoted the my-steak. I dont' understand why so menny werds has capital letter's, like Questionnaire, but i fink ders' sum think else.

Der uvver wun orlso cums from Willsdon but cums from the fancy pancy noo hospital place there. Sum times they wont yoo to giv blud (urgh!!) my dad sez its' der seckond paragrarf wots got der luverly inglish innit innit. he sez sorry der picksher is a bit blerd.

he sez dat notissis like diss give him lots of confidense in der nashonal elf servis that they get things rite.