Wednesday, August 29, 2007


we has hour food aggen, few!!!

Few!!! my dad went and got a big bag of the hills sigh-ence wot me n gwen (yuk) eat. I new it woz the propper stuff eeven beefour he had opend the luverlly big bag, so did gwen, and he woshed hour boles!! and it taisted luverly!!!

I woz not cross with him cos he woz trying too doo his best but he is just stoopid and i do'nt like change in my life, so i woz sad when i went to the boles and i looked at him.

I wood like to thank mermaid of moorgate for her nice werds and speshally to my best frend osker wot invited me to his house to eat the food of the uther to cats their, molly and dennace (but not his) and he sed that wakefield woz only harf a map up the moterway (not shure wot that is). i had a look for wakefield on my map of the werld but cood not find it, so it must be very small; i cood find plaices wot begin with a W like walthemstow and wimbledon and waterloo wot is ver bizzy, and willesden wot is very near to hear, but not wakefield.

but orl is well, wot a releaf, and i have told my dad that like he must NOT chainj my food ever ever ever ever aggen.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007


We do'nt like hour food!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

This is not a funnee poast or jokey poast, okay?? this is the moste seeriuss poste i has ever ritten.

my dad chainjed our food this summer and me n gwen do'nt like it. we is mr hills sighence light cats and luverly it is. but my dad tride us on a cupple of littel packets of sumthink corled hills sighens mateur adult seen-eeor 7+ cat fud. 7+ wot you probbly arsk, well i doo, but hoomans only give you harf a some, hopeless. well, the littel packets wer ok i suppose but we did'nt say, ok go and bye a bluddy big bag of the stuff cos we like it ver much (not that gwenn'ys opinion counts for ennythink enny weigh) but he go out and by a bluddy big bag of the stuff and its' yuck. me n gwen do'nt like it at orl so we is eating runtys' speshal you-can-yooba you-rinerry oxil-eight (big name!!) insted wot doo not pleese runty cos her bole is orlweighs emptee. my dad sez the noo food is good for us cos we is orl eleven yeres old (my dad cood not rite the number for eleven he just put too number ones necks too each uther) and shood have bin on this food for yeres and its good four us cos its got sumthink corled omega 3 and 6 and vitamins and stuff and its' eeven more expensive ect ect. well, i can tell yoo i do'nt like orl that stuff in my food and its yuk yuk yuk and i wont my propper food back. my dad sez he is sorrie and will bye a big jiant bag of my faverit aggen. and he better bluddee hurree up!!!! this is sow important that i will let yoo no wot happens as soon as possable.


the payrents went aweigh aggen!!!!

The payrents went aweigh aggenn!!!! not for ver ver long but it duz make yoo wunder wot they is up too. Well, at ferst it woz ok cos roses woz hear and she is ver nice to us cats and understands us ect ect (even if she woz just giving a bit two much attenshun to the runt, but i is not a jelluss cat). but then she went and danl woz in charj for to days beefour the payrents cum home and he is orlweighs making out that now he is home he is hire in the pecking order than me and orl that and he has know time cos he has to go to the hostable too see the payshents blah blah, as if i duz not have important werk too doo each day gardin the territtorree and orl that, frunt and back yoo no. so, i woz bluddy glad wen the payrents dun cum home cos danl had not filled hour worter boles even wot reely maid me cross. its' like with a lounjer he say he do'nt like cat furr on the seet and so he tern the cushon up when he get off. now runty is happy to shair a lounger with my dad or a payrent nicely but i need lounger or chair with a cushon for myself on my oan cos i is a top cat, sea? and its' reely reely meen if danl tern up the cushon cos i sea lounjers as beeing on a time share and i has a rite to a tern. hmmph - he better wotch it, thats orl cos i is not mooving down from therd to forth in the peckin order just cos he cum home for a bit.

well, the payrents say they went to a littel villij in the yorksher dailies or weeklies corld clapham. and they arsked if they cood poot a foto of the nice say-shon hous wot is their at the rail-weigh say-shon. i thort the house wood be for the passengers on the trains when they have long long long long weights for the trains or for them to sleep in when the train do'nt cum at orl but my dad sez its' four the peepel wot look arfter the stayshon, not that the payrents ever sore any starff their at orl but they did sea peepel weighting for a bus cos the trains wernt running at orl and they woz not invitid into the house at orl wot i think is ver rude and shellfish.! well, as yoosjull i think they have got it rong cos i have looked at my map of the hole werld and clapham is in the south not north for a start, and must be the most important plaice in the werld cos its' got for plus won stayshons their, honest i counted and 4+1 is err......hang on....... me, my mum, my dad, runty, and gwen (yuck!) and that maikes six or sumthink nearly like that, lots!!!. enny weigh on the black line theirs' clapham north, clapham common (the most popular), clapham south, and then too stay-shons wot they forgot too culler in (tippical, eh?) clapham junck-shon and clapham hi street. thats' 6 or 5, well lots as i sed. so i think clapham must be incredibly important. my payrents say it is a luverly plaice with bootiful cuntry and 3 peaks (wot i think, personally, are not ver nice yappy dogs with littel legs, but theirs' no counting for taste) and lots of worter forls, well wot else is worter supposed too doo, fly up?!?!?!?!?! the wether woz grotty hear wile they wer aweigh but they sed they had luverlly whether - humph.

so they cum home and the whether has bin luverly since and me n runty is lying on our table and on the grass or on lounjers (when grotty bruvvers leve the cumfy cushons down), i is not sunday baything on the shed much this yere but runty is yoosing it.

my dad sez i doo not understand bout the werld, he say it is a ver big plaice and is the shape of a borl and that i is looking at a map of the underground. rite well he is just sooooooo rong;

1. the werld is not round like a borl cos wen i petrole my territtorree frunt and back it is flat, wen i look out of a window it is flat, wen i is on the big shed and look far aweigh it is flat.

2. if the werld woz round then Upminster and Uxbridge wood tuch, and amersham and epping wood tuch, and maybee even hi barnet and mordern wood tuch (not shur about the larst) as they is on the far eggies of the werld. am i rite or am i rite???????

3. he is rong that the map is of the underground cos from the frunt of my territtorree i can sea kilburn stayshon and it is not underground at orl it is top ground.

i sumtimes think my dad is so stoopid that it pooshis me to the limit of my tollerance. but as i is a nice, kind intellygent top cat, i have lerned to live with him beeing stoopid and just axcept the extra responsibilities wot this plaice on me (sigh).

Monday, August 20, 2007


Me n my bruv sleapin

I thort this was ded good cos i think it shose a fammly resemblence. This is me and my bruv dannl and we is bothe sleeping the same weigh!! In case yoo is not shoor I is the won on the left (or is that rite?) and he is the one on the wright (or is that left?). Enny weigh its' ded good innit, we is sooooooo simmlar cos we is bruvvers, but he is trying or the time to poosh me down from therd to forth in the pecking order now he is back home hmmmm. And he shood not corl me a seal pup ready to be clubbed - look seal pups may go clubbing but i doo not doo such silly things.

Oh, yes and annuther thing. Larst weak danl woz werking nites, long nites from 9 oclock to 10 oclock in the mourning and then travling back and only getting 6 hours sleap ect ect. and the payrents woz saying, oh yoo'ove got to be kwiet and let pour danl sleep ect ect cos his werk is soo hard ect ect and he needs his sleap so he do'nt kill the pay-shents over nite. ect ect blah blah. look, i werk EVVRY nite, ok!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? i has to get off my cumfy chare or so-far and go out on petrole and check the guardins necks daw and orl that evvry nite eeven if it's reigning and no won go, oh shush, bodger is sleapin now he has been werkin hard out on petrole and gardin the howce and orl.

i is just taken for granted, der payrents never say, oh well dun bodger, a nutther nite and no brake in thanks too yoo. hrrumph!!

Saturday, August 18, 2007


sharing nicely again!!! and a kwizz!!!!!!!!!

Runty beeing a ver nice cat woz sharing a lounjer with my dad and aloud his horrid legs around her. when it woz my tern to be on MY lounger i let her stay and share.

Now, hear is the kwizz. hoo is the uther cat sharing der lounger with us? its' not as hansum as me!! no cloos now just a littel hint - is it a cat or a tee cozey. (blast, i shood'nt have sed that I has given the game aweigh do'nt reed that last bit).

osker and paddy, sea if yoo can have a go at my kwizz.


smorl foto of gwen yuk

i has bin told too show a foto of gwen aggen - yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk. i do'nt sea wye i shood but my dad sez i must cos its his puter. OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hear is a foto of the luvly bootiful (not!) gwen trying to sleep in a knew hidy plaice but i spottid her.

and, know!! she is not aloud in my guardin.


discuvring the hole wide werld

my frend osker offen gose out of his territtorree and jumps in vans and gose to the fish and chip shop or to visit his blind starff in her hous. i doo not doo this but i thort that i shood no a bit maw about the werld so i has bin looking at the map of the werld wot is up in the kichin (this is ware we eat and the hoomans cook and ware i go flollop on my side too get lots of strokes - well i doo this every ware).

the hole werld is a ver ver big place and gose out as far as Amersham wot is outside zone 6 and in outer zone D and is probbly at the norff pole and is on the pritty perpull line!!!! thats a reely long way a weigh, and even has a arrow thing pointing too a plaice corled Ales-berry (sorry not shure bout spelling as had to cum upstares to type this) wot is off the map cos its' just two far!!! if yoo go down the map to the river tems (wot is spelt rong on the map as Thames) yoo can go over it, honest!!! and sea orl the far aweigh plaices like corled canada water and cyprus and plaices like that. but lots of the lines under the tems is not cullered in propperlee cos hoomans never finish anything propperlee (tippical). and there is an arrow pointing to ware yooo go when yoo die - Gravesend.

I doo not think i will travell orl over the werld but will stay in my territtorree but i think it is good that i hav werked it out from the map orl by my ownly self like wot an in-telly-gent cat doo. but i doo like the map cos it has lots of lines drorn in pritty cullers. my dad sez we live on the boring grey line.

PS hoomans has reely no furr, but i has herd my dad yoos the werd - infurr. i think this means clever animals like wot is from intelleegent desine, like wot i is, and has furr.

this woz orl ver ver tiring and i need a good sleap now.

PS my bruv, danl, sez that when i flollop over four a stroke or lots i look like a seal pup weighting too be clubbed. i has never bin clubbing cos it is not wot nice cats doo, but i think he is not beeing ver nice bout me, so i am wotching him ded close. and he has just throne me off his bed when he wonts to make it cos roses is cumming to stay - he'd better wotch it!!!!!!

Wednesday, August 08, 2007


and about time two too to!!

well, the payrents is hardlee home and then they get down THE BIG SOOT CASES!!! wot meen gowing aweigh propper, wot i doo not reely like cos of orl the beeing in charjness wot i has too doo and try to stop runty peeing and orl and not sware at gwen. yoo can sea a pick-sher of runty sitting on won of the BIG SOOT CASES (by the weigh, they got no soot in them at orl only cloves.

well off they go aggenn wot mean i is in charj aggen and has too make shure that me-shell doo the food propper and orl. the payrent went to the lake district and to north whales to a plaice corled angle-see! (silly name) and it woz wet - well, serves them rite if yoo arsk me it woz nice and sunny and worm hear. and wot doo the lake district have yoo arsk?? hills!!!

the picksher on the rite (or is it left?) is yet annuther egg-sample of just how stoopid hoomans is. sumtimes hoomans doo not no ware they are gowing - not like mee!!!! - and need sines to help them. well, look at this won, ha ha ha, it say go left (or is that rite?) and write (or is that left?) and up into the sky too times. well, look, you can't go in for three(?) dye-wreck-shons at wonce and hoomans ca'nt fly sew theirs no point in having arrows wot point up wards!! tippical, tippical.

arfter me-shell had dun the food thingy and i had looked arfter her two, my bruv cum home. it woz brill too sea danl and i ran out intoo the rode to help him unlode and cos i thort he needed to stroke me. but he woz bizzy with the luggij and sow i rolled over in the rode and he picked me up - wot yoo doo not doo to a top cat in public!!!! - and put me in the house saying that i woz ver norty and silly to role over in the rode and orl that. just cos he won up on me in the peckin order he think he can doo that sort of stuff too me. well hese not getting enny of my hills sigh-ens food.

well, its ack-shirley grate to hav my bruv home and eeven tho he had too go to the hospital to lern more strait aweigh in the mourning when he woz home i let him stroke me lots and lots and sit on his lap and stuff so he do'nt feel lonely - not that i need it for me, oh know, we top cat's do'nt. hee still leve his stuff orl over the plaice and put his sherts and stuff evry-ware down stares like wot the payrents doo not doo!!!

well then the payrents dun cum home and at larst my dad givs me my tern on the puter sow i can wright my blog aggen.

oh and gess wot, sumthink my dad tolde me wot is wierd. we has lots of blackberrys in the guardin, rite? and berdies is eating sum of them wot i think is a bluddy cheek!!! my dad sez that the birdies eat the blackberries and eat the tiny seeds inside and then they fly aweigh and when they doo a poo the seeds are in the poo and then they make noo blackberry booshes - amazing. and the poo is a bit of food to help the littel seed start - eeven maw amazing. well, i must have a look at my poos too sea if they grow lots of hills sigh-ens food.

nice pic of mee beelow, eh, dooing a good strech - and, know, i am not asleep......well, not very much.

ps. danl is werking at nite at the moment so we has too be kwiet in the day; he is werking long ours from 9 in the evening until 10 in the mourning and then got to get back hear. the payrents say we has too be very kwiet and orl so he can sleap. well, look, i werk at nites two, yoo no, and no body go around saying - oh, we got too go on tippy tow cos the bodger has bin out on petrole in the nite ect ect. cos we cats is just tuffer.


And about time two!!!

The payrents has bin aweigh such a lot wot with cumming and gowing and not letting me yoos the puter when they woz home in bit-ween that i think i will have too rite everythink in at least to blogs.

the ferst time they gode aweigh woz zo going throo this grad-you-ayshon thingy with the first class post degree thingy. so the payrents drive up and it is the day of the terrible terrible terrible reigns and my mum is still sad cos her car is broke but yoo no bout this trip.

well, the second time they went aweigh they went to near dartmouth road ware danl has bin living with roses and mooved orl his stuff. my dad had too drive a big big van, cos i sore it parked outside and it was fool of stuff (they did not dare bring the archie, runt cat - he went to door-set). so off went the payrents in the old 850 and left me in charge with a new gerl cumming in two feed us, corled me-shell, wot means eeven mor werk four mee.

well wen they cum home i runs out in the rode too greet them and gard the cars and things while they take things out and i dun to norty things, yes, too - i runs across the rode to the gardin of the loonies ware the man shouts lots and lots and i do'nt cum back for a bit, tee hee. then i gets gwennie in a littel corner and i is reely swaring at her reel bad - best fun of the lot but i forgot the hoomans woz home so i got cort this time and had to pop out throo the cat flap ware they car'nt cach me for a cupple of mins, tee hee.

then they moove orl the stuff in the van to a plaice corled storij. i looked on the map for this but i cood not find it but i think it must be near grinnij, ware my mum gose quite a lot.

how doo i no orl this? and wot map yoo arsk? well, in the kitchen on a cubbored is a map of the hole wide werld wot i can look at. it has orl the plaices a long long long way aweigh like cyprus and canada water and grinnij (or greenwich as it is rongly spelt on the map) and has orl of the docklands light rail weigh (cos it do'nt whey much) and even have an arrow pointing to the end of the werld - gravesend. yes, it is orl their too sea and most of it, shock shock is outside of my territtorree - mind yoo, it wood take a long time to go rite round it on petrole.

so, danl poots lots and lots of stuff orl over the frunt room and it is reely reely nice to see my bruv even if he got that roses feemail with him aggen!!! (wot she four i dont' no).

so then danl and roses bugger off back to dartmouth rode having mooved orl the stuff up, tippical stoopid hoomans, eh? how cum yoo moove orl the stuff and then yoo go back their? the payrents say it is cos danl has'nt finished his job yet in tourbay and like he has to finish their won nite and start the necks mourning in kingston (my dad yell, jamaica?? no, she went of her own accord. and forl on the flaw larffing cos he think he is funny - hese knot!) upon tems. and he do'nt get know induction or nuffink but has too start strait on the ward cos he still got sow much too learn cos he still ver jew-near.

so it orl cumming and going and but wunce danl dump his stuff he do not moov it.

my dad sed he had to go to car-diff ferst to shoot sumwon corled john barrowboy, capn jack, for the telly. dunno. cardiff is not on my map.

my dad woz not ver happy with orl the werk of driving the long weel bass van orl the weigh from dartmouth rode and then have to drive it to storij and lift orl the stuff around with my mum and danl and roses - well its not cats werk is it??

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