Thoughts of a Top Cat

I was wotchin telly last nite and sore a progrom bout sum I-lands corled der Galloping Eye-land's wot is were Charles Darwin of der stoopid named upside downe house (sea erlier postin's) werked out his fairy of eva-lotion, and spent yeers and yeers lookin at werms and pees and fings wen he got home.

Now, dis noo pogrom was not presented by Mr Sir David Attenburger (wot is a ver nice man) but der torkin woz dun by a woman corled Tiltin Swindon - an actrice wot has appeard in strange films and is named after a ver borin town outside my one-der-full territtorree!!!! Her parents called her Tiltin cos she ca'nt stand up strait. Ack-sherlley between us, i dont' fink she noo wot she woz torkin bout but woz just reedin it. Maybe Mr Attenburger rote der werds.

Now der point is dese eye-lands is far away, even beyond der toob stay-shun at der end of der rode. dis is part of der Underground but tipical of hoomans dey call it wot it ai'nt' - just like Mr Darwin corled his house Down House when it is der right way UP, so dis Underground int' undergrouind at orl but it has train fings runnin along ware yoo can sea dem and its' quite hi up two!! So cos hoomans is stoopid day say, oh luk, we got trains runnin rite up der wot shall we call it? we shud corl it der Overground but lets' be reely cunnin and corl it der Undergrowned insted!! Yeh, clever dat, dat way, lots of peeple wont' find i't and it will full der enemy. Brillant!!! Hoomans get lower in der ever-lotion skale orl der time in my ohpinion. but yoo arsk wer is dees eye-lands den? well, i cant' tell yoo cos dey is moovin bout orl der tiem on plates, honest, not china plates or earthyware plates, o no, dey mooves about on tecktonic plaits (probly got moters underneef). well, my famil'ys got maw sense dan to bye dem stoopid moovin techtonic plates, fank yoo ver much!!!

but I digress. So, wot doo we see in dis pogrom?? Hmmm? Orl sorts of animals doin orl sorts of stooopid fings. Iggywahnahs wot cant' moove until der son makes dem nice and coasy worm. Iggywahnahs divin into der ruff see to eet plank-ton stuff. Berds flyin down to eat der iggywahnahs wen dey feemails wont to lay eggs wen dey got no ware to cook der eggs enny way. Hooge tortusses wiv hooj shells on der backs workin bout so sloaly dat dey go orlmost no ware and not drinkin for mumfs. Lodes of fish beein eaten by uvver berds wot den gets bashed on der rocks and eaten by crabs. Albahtrosses wot fly more dan too fousands miles - dats' bigger dan my territorree - to get a meel for der baby, onest, why go dat far for a bit of fish - not ver clever. Seels, ver big and a bit more cleverer givin der baby nice milk, wer der sea is gentle and der big mail gardin his territtorree from der uvver mails - only bit of sense der, der seels.

But and hear is der big BUT!! Ware woz der top of der eva-lotion tree, der big cats and all dat and uvver fery aminals?? no ware cos' dey is two damn clever too go to eye-lands like dat. how dis darwin finked he cood werk out eva-lotion from dem aminals beets me cos der top of der aminals woz not der. as a member of der most sucksessfull family of carnivors ever on der planet erff, yoo cant' just werk owt eva-lotion wen we aint' der. huh!!

Dis is wy i beleave in intelleegent desine like wot der frends of President George Basil Brush beleave in, and Tony Blurrs city academys. I is just der most perfeck bit of intelleegent desine ever - i mean, just luk at der fotos of me. I mach perfeck wiv der flaw tiles for camooflarj, i eets my food gud and proper from der boles - nun of dis silly runnin round, jumpin in der worter, beein gobbled up; lots of plaices to lye in der sun, my table on der pat-i-o, and cumfy plaices four bed, sentral heatin in winter. nuff sed.

der final kweschun is hoo is hier in der intelleegent desine me and cats or hoomans? ders reely no contest. ok, yoo got won fing i aint' got, a horizontally opposed thum, big deel. rite, i got; brillant clause wot can scrach yoo reel bad, i got brillant nite vizzon wiv my cats eyes - wot millions woz stolen too put in der rodes but dats' anuvver storrie - much more brillant hereing, brillant jumpin and leepin ability. well, ownlee too days ago i lept on a littel table wot yoost to be der bottom of der hi chair for danl and zo and woz den terned into a table and chair wot day still got - well i lept on dis and der woz loads of papers and remote controlls and 2 mugs, and i sent der papers flyin a bit, did'nt quiet nock der mugs off and changed der tv channel two bbc too so dat i cood hav a look at noose-nite.

finally, as if dat woz not enuff to sho der cat is a far mor intelleegent bit of desine; i duz not need cloves wot needs woshin orl der tiem cos yoo ai'nt got hardly no fur, i duz not nead to go into a indaw rain shower ever mornin cos i cant' lick myself, and yoo hoomans cant' even lick yore bottom!!!!! !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? (huge won, tee hee).

nuff sed.

We cawl dis der Fool Hedgehog, cos i is full wet. Now yoo is probly arksin yoreself - how cums dis cat gets hisself reely realy wet too day's in a rowe? well, its' all to do wiv top cat trainin. der hoomans fink i is a twit and dat i has orlways lieked gettin wet. dats troo, i fink bein wet is funnnn!!!!!!!! cant' understand why loads of cats like runty hate it.

wen i woz a little kitten and dey woz runnin a barf for danl i jumpt in der barf as it was runnin and dey grabbed me out dead quick, but i was fine, it was nice reely havin der worter on my legs, woznt' a problem four me.

but der important point is its' all part of der trainin wot top cats gardin there guardin has to go throo. yoo sea, when i'ts' rainin yoo dont' no wots goin on on yore territtorree unless yoo is owt their checkin. and den der uvver cats fink, wow dat biggles must be so big and tuff too go out in der rein liek dat weed better wotch our step wiv him cos hes' a reel top cat and fings. dats wot i fink der uvver cats in der nay-ber-hood fink.

now hears' a seecrit. if i is'nt ver wet den i go and rub under bushes too maik myself wet or lye on der table on der pat-i-o just so dat i luks liek i has reel'y bin out der gettin all wet froo.

and gett'in wet is ver ver good for der appetite and i orlway's reeword myself with a nice eet of my hills' scien'ce crunchys, and if i can have a rub of a hoomans' leg and ideely a niece sit on der lap, ware dey go bugger off yoo wet beest, yoo is wet orl over ect ect dat ads too der plezzure.

yess, wet is good, wet is fun, yoo can sea me run and run.

dats' corld a poeme by der whey, der ferst won i has ritten for my blog and is for der maw intelleegent and intelleelady reeder.

bet yoo did'nt no i woz a poet two!! ho, yes, poete, gramarian, speler, filosoffer (wot ever dat is), ho yes, i is dem orl.

I is offen arsked how duz we sleap at night'e? Well, of cause, this is really quite privit and persoanl but as I is also bein told i has too bee nice and shair my blog i has included der fotos wot yoo sea.

We sleap in wot is corled der playroom cos it woz der playrume when danl and zoe was small and young. and even dough dey is now young adults wot has had to leave cos dey wonted to be abuv me in der peckin order and i woul'd'nt' let dem, its' still corled der playroom. its' got der telly and der sound sistem and fings liek dat. its' ok and cumfy reely although der hi chair wot gwen liekd to sit on has gon at der moment so she is on rugs on annuvver chare. we has a cat flap and water but yoo has to make shure dat yoo eats yore over nighter bee four dey shut der door. i do'not sea why dey shuts der dor, it means i cant' cheque on der hoomans in der night and pay dem a frendly visit and purr and sniff dem and clime on dem wiv my dainty littel paws.

so hear is anuvver foto of gwen just to show wot a reely nice, grow up, mateur cat i is. and do'nt start all dat stuff again bout how bootiful she is and petit ect ect ect!!!!!!! ugh!!!! ok????!?!?!?!?!? well she sleep's on her one and i lets' her sleap in der room. yoo probly fink dis foto is rarver dark, well dats cos gwen says she is a ver privet cat and shye and doant' wont herself to be made two public. and bein a nice cat dat is wot i has dun.

runty n me offen shair a settee and sumtiems we sleaps on different settees. of cause, runty wood much rarvver bee upstares and sleep wiv her dad or sum body and give dem nice sniff in der nite and a good need wiv her clause, and need to pop down for a snack and a drink from a tap and den to pop out around 4 for a pea and fings. but dats tuff, and sum nites, like last nite she come into der playroom ver erly, sat on her dads' lap for an our, when he mooved she sat down nex to me and dats how we slepped.

and runty is ackshirley goin out froo der cat flap at night!!!!! amazin after not dooin it for yeres!!!! she aint' cummin in froo it, natch, only usin der whole in der you-tili-tea room windo.

personly i liek my bedroom. wot i duz not liek is wen durin der evnin der hoomans is in wotchin telly and stuff and i is nicely settled and dey say i has to shair my settee wot is my bed!!! dat is a bluddy cheak and i tell dem dat!!! hoos' bedroom is it eh!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? (cos i still lieks it, tee hee).

All write i is not der ownly ca't to sit on hoomans, okay!?!?!?!?!?!?!? i ree'ly do'n't' sea wy i has to shair my blog!!! its' mine and nunbodie elsies, ok? cor, der fings yoo has too doo cos of hoomans naggin. ok, i is ver ver happie to shair my blog wonce again wiv der bleedin runt. der runt is a luverly cat and has more furr at der moment dan she yoost to hav and has no bald'y bits' at der moment even tho she molts der hole yeer round. me runty is gud frends and spend lots of tiem togevver or neer each uvver, spesherl'y in summer. sea wot a nice cat i is!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? ugh.

hear are pickshers of runty sittin on her mummies' lap between her dadd'y's legs (nasty) and on a laver tory seat. why dus she sit on lavertory seats and on lorndree baskets full of smelly cloves?? well, cos shes' like dat. in fackt she offen sits on a lavatory seet cos sh'es' weightin for some won to give her a drink from a tap cos shes' so bonker's bout not drinckin from boles. she dus luv a good lavatory seat - wee has to keep der lavatory seat's down or else yoo find her not-so-baldy arse stickin out der bowls' wile she has a drink!!!! dis gustin!!!!!!!!!!!

der main fin bout laps and runty is up stare's. cos she is der up star'es cat she gets desprate to sit on her mummys' lap when she is hear or her daddy up staires and dis can sum times bee quiet la'te at night bee four she gets her evenin affeck shun wot she luvs and knea'ds despratelee. den sumtiems she dont' wont to be just on der lap but she sit rite up bye yore face and purr into it and put her rite frunt pour in yore kneck wiv der clause out just enuff so yoo cant' moove. strainje animal.

yoo no, if she did'nt' arg-you wiv gwen so much she cud have fectshun down stares like we dus but she dus'nt' purr down stares cept i der front room wot is not gwens' territtorree.

bye der way. I hope yoo is impresst wiv my yoos of der propostroffee!!! i is gettin' too bee a real ex'per't bye followin der rools as i sea dem from der fot'os in dis blog'.

Now, hoomans need lookin after and carin four. Hear yoo can sea me lukin after my mummie. Of cause, you can always have a barf when on yore mummy or a scratch, yu do'nt just have too sleap or be on guardin dooty. But der point is, sea, that der hoomans can feel insecure or lonely and need to be cumfourted and looked after.

Ackshirley dey is also extreeml'y yoosfull in winter when i has damp and muddy pours i can orlways dry dem on der laps, or if i is reely wet and has been ver ver brave in der wet den i can get rid of all der wet on dere laps, speshly my tummy. dey alway's notis dis and say nice fings liek my name and den uvver luvvin fin'gs like; biggles!!!!!!! bugger off!! not on dese trowsers or skirt!!! i woz goin too ware dees twomorro!!! dese is pale!!!! and my top two!!! and my shirt!!! yess, i dus beleave it is importink four der hoomans to no wen yoo is der. den after i has got rid of der werst of der mud and wet i goes to eat. but dey needs to no how braive i has bin and da'ts wy i sits on dem ferst. and i do giv dem a luverly purr and maybee a wet kiss! i sumtiems fink dey is a bit upset or sumfink but i is tryin too ke'ep der flaw cleen for gudness saiks!

Dus'nt tell nunbody, ok????????? Shhhhhhhhhhhhh. i has a seecret. i has a noo sleapin plaice. neck's doors' guardin is more jungly dan mien. mine was grate, lots' and lot's of it was jungly and was brillant for playin in and woz an hooge toile't. and den der hoomans sed oh it wood be nice to has more gardian wot we can yoos and orl dat so der is much less four fun and dey tuk away most of der toilet, and dey go ah, its' so much mo're luverly now int it deer, ect ect more plants blah blah. any whey, der woz a hooge pile of rubbish and stuff at der top wer i cud hide and fings and foxes lived - wot was ok, ackshirley, we got on fien. and my hooman dad got rid of most of it - borin borin borin - why he do dis i do'nt no, i wotched him, pointless. ennywhey, so i is sneekin round der gap in der fens at der top end and sleapin next daw, tee hee, cos dey got a grate big jungly bit like wot we yoosed to hav'e. my dad werked it out cos he got cross wiv me cos i woz takin longer to cum from der to help him hang out der woshin' and tryin so he wood not sea me cum round. but he spotted me cos' i get's a luvly sleap der and i is usooly staggerin round mostly asleapy. may bee he will fourget bout dis and it can still be my seecrit. also necks' door i do'nt fink dey realize dat dher guarden is also part of my territtorree, cos i is ecks-pandin. may-bee he acksherly old enuff to hang out der woshin wiv out needin my proteckshun, no on second forts, acksherley, i better stay on gar'd.

Now, as yoo no as a deeply finkin cat I is tryin to werk out how yoo yoos apostrotoff'ees and it seems to me dat yoo can put dem wer ever yoo liek and can even hav more than won in a werd if you wont.

Der loo won is interest'in cos it is in Lambeth Palace!!! Oh, yes, a palace. Its' der home of der biggest ape in Engerland, the Primate of All England, and he is an archbishop-prick, a fritenin, beerded bloke wot where's long dresses and funny hats. David Atennburghoro wot is famus for his luv of primates did not film himself cuddlin dis won. Dis is a ver big shame and I say too yo'u David yoo shud start at home befour goin to der jungles to cuddle primates, respeck yore homeland. Dis partickler primate is ver clever and he do talkin two!!! Oh yes I has herd him on der radio and scene hi'm on der telly', but on-estl'y, i cant' understand a werd he sez, ver gobble-dee-gooky whey of tork'in. And its' good to no dat our top primate is orlso happy wiv der propostroffee's.

Ackersherly, if yoo dont' minde me sayin. Dis yoos of toilets by hoomans is ver strainje. Der lambeff paliss is a big territory for der cuntr'ys top prim'ate and has huge guardins and lots of treas wear der top primate or any of der lesser primates wot livs wiv him cud go out and be privit in der flour beds and be ver neat and tidy liek wot i is.

Der uvver won, of course, may have lots of kneel's werkin der. So kneels' is ok, or kneel's' wud be safer, liek wot i found in dat forin cuntry of Whale's. or maybe we shud start to move der popostroffee nearer d'er be'ginin of der werd?????????? Yeah, d'ats a br'ill idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I liek dat!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? (cos i still like dat).

Now luk hear. Just luk at diss! Luk at it luk at it. Has yoo ever sin enyfink liek it bef'ore?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? (huge won). Dis makes me ver angry. I can beet up eny cat wot cums on too my territorree (unless dey is reely agressive and has balls fings). I is not fritend at orl. I is a ver strong tuff cat wiv lots of mussles. Oh yes, I do. I has lots of mussles but I is cunnin and hide dem under my ver fick fur and my polly un saturates tummy. My legs may be a bit on der short sied (even if josh sez dey is not) but i is pritty fast.

So cum on den, I is reddy for yoo!! Oh yes i is. I is not friten'ed. Ner ner ner ner ner. I is hear to protect my territtorree against all cummers and I wil. So just wotch it if you do'n't wont to get beeten up.

Dis T shirt should be band or der will be protests and riotin and burnin of images and effiggees all over my terittorree. And eny won wot drors cartons of me dat maik me luk silly der will be a ver big fat fatwa agenst dem.

Cor dis has maid me sooooooooo cross dat I nead to have sum crunchies in my tummy and a bit of a sleep on a niece chare in der gardin cos its' sunny too day.

As you no i has thort bout darwi'ns' oranges of the speecise and why i is just a brill bit of eva-lotion for domestic top cat but now i is not so shure. i is such a brillant bit of desine as a top cat wots color werks brill wiv der cork tile flaws, gardin my hoomans and territtorree, and just so all brillant and intelleegent dat i is an amasinly inteligent bit of desine. luk how i fit in dis chare!! i is pritty perfeck. many uvver peepole beleeve in intelleegent desine, for egg-sample - President George Basil Brush, Tony Blurr lieks skools wot teech it, and, well just look at me, obvioius innit? P.S. runty is an egg-sample of unintelegent desine (tee hee).

Now I is offen arskd to give advise on fings like egg-sir-size and oh-bee-settee. And i has put hear sum pickshers of me doin egg-sir-sizes; you ca'n sea me doin neck rases - up and down and up and down - sea? and rolin over from side too side - and role over and roll back and rol over and roll back - cee? ver good for strenfin der cor mussles of der body like in pilotes. dese and uvver egg-sir-sizes wot is also ackshon packed will be available on a DVD eventshully wot will incorporate der best of pilots and yogurt and fang shooey and distant rakin healin usin a garden rake. it will be evailable in all good shops and vets.

But egg-sir-size is ver ver important and i also duz alot when sleepin by breevin and twitchin my ears and turnin my head upside down and coverin my eyes with my pours cos i is a sensitive ginjer and dus'nt' like der brite lite. and runnin out der frunt door, tee hee. and sumtimes chaisin der feemails, tee hee hee. and generally patrolin and gardinin der territtorree. so, yes, egg-sir-size is ver ver important and i takes it ver ver seriously. famly hoomans offen fink i is deaply asleep when i is not and wen dey leave der room and leave me on my own i notis and follow dem, not cos i gets loanly but cos i needs to check dat dey is okay in der territtorree, but sumtiems i is deep asleap cos sleep is ver important too der body to keep it in good shape after egg-sir-size. and i egg-sir-size wen i work to der food boles. also most yeers i egg-sir-size buy lyin under my budlear plant and catchin white butterflys but dis yer wiv der draught der bugglier has been strugglin and der has bin no butterflies to leap and catch and play wiv. bum. so i is not sleepin under it, mind yoo it has bin so hot dis yer dat i has bin sleepin in der shade of bushes and fings. any way. if yoo wont too no wy is egg-sir-size corld egg--sir=size its' coz der egg can role and yoo can loose wait and be a smorler size buy chasin it.

now we cums to der kwestchun kwestchon questchon (sorry not shure of der spelin hear) of diet and der bernin issue of oh-bee-settee. ferst oh-bee-settee must not be confewsed wiv der tellyvision pogrom of a simila name - oh-bee-city, wot is bout doctors and nerses in a hostable wot orl look like dey is dead corpses from der wey dey act and uvver peeple wot cum in covered in silly make ups, and is korled a spin off from anuvver yousless pogrom called casuistry wot is bout as beleavable as der wevver fourcast! huh! i cant' tell wiv der actin hoo is suposed to be reely dead and who is suposed to be alive so i dusnt' wotch it. oh, boo hoo hoo, dey say, he's dead brian, oh no, boo hoo, let me get yoo a cup of tee blah blah. but on-est wiv actin liek dat i ca'nt tel hoos alive and hoos ded. any way wev'e cleered dat won up.

right. ok. now we got dat kleer we can talk bout oh-bee-settee. der werd oh-bee-settee cums from peeple wot get two fat cos dey be on der settee two muc and yous der remote controlls to change der channels and switch on der vidio and fings, insted of gettin up and pushin der buttons. in fack to yoos remoat controlls yoo dont' nead an horizontally opposed thum, oh know, i can chainge channels wen ever i wont just by workin on der remote control or stop der vidio reckordin. den my hoomans yoos there favorit frase to me wot show dey luv me lots - bugger off biggles look wot yoo dun now!?!?!?!?!?!? hoo change der pogrom to itv??? ect ect

Now uncle josh wen he checked my breevin der uvver yeer - der woz nuffin rong, just a block fing from wen i woz ill at mr mayhews' home wen i woz ver ver tye-knee - said dat i was perhaps slightly over wait. but i sez, look, i has slightly short legs, a large frame and ver ver thick fer, and dis maiks me look a bit on der slightly over wait side. but in fact i is incredibly hi in polly unsaturates (who ever she is) cos i is a Mr Hill Sience diet cat and Mr Hill Siences' food keeps me in perfeck condishon. also i just luuuuuuvs my fud and i purr ver ver loud when i eat cos i luvs it. i is a good eater, i dus'nt' gobble yoo no but i gose at a good stedy paice like der marraffon ruinners do. ders no point gobblin quick its not good for yoo and yor dye-gess-chun, no der well paiced stedy eat is der way to do it. it sertainly werks four me! so, just dont' say i is over-wait cos i duz not liek it ok!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? (stil luv doin dat tee hee).

wot is der point of sayin i is over wait? wot is i supposed to be waiting for? eh? i might as well get on wiv der eatin and den get on wiv der patrolin and checkin and sleapin and fings wot happen in a bizzy bizzy life. if peeple did less waitin den day wood not be so fat, dats wy its' corled over-wait, cos dey wait to long and do'nt get moovin. i fink it is important to understand der entimology of werds. i finds der evolution and yoosidge of languidge most fassinatin. ahem.

yoo may arsk why der too feemails in dis hous is so fin? well, cos der runt is a runt, rite? and she still got flabby bits under her back legs - not partickly attractiv. and der midgit gwen is a midgit, rite? bootiful and all dat rubbish blah blah. and cos dey is'nt long steddy eaters like wot i is - dey nip in eet quik and nip off. nuff sed. simple. oh yes, and gwen is norty cos she eats quite alot of tosc'as speshall ver expensive food yoocanoober food for her urinary bleedin problems la la ect ect. i eat it occaz....ocaszon.....from time to tiem (sory bout dat) but its not a's niece as mr hills sicences' fud.

wot bout der hoomans wot get oh-bee-settee and dus'nt egg-sir-size liek wot i duz. well, den day gets ill and get lots of nasty diseezis and den day offen dye yung. well, dey need to keep der polly unsaturates hi liek wot i duz and dey need to get in trainin buy gettin up off der settee and havin a terittorree liek wot i duz to petrole. i also fink dey shood eat hills sience food and den dey wood be fine liek me, save on orl dat stoopid cookin. i has scene runty and gwen eat der odd bit of hooman meet but dey cant' fool me wiv it, i no its' not propper fud.

so hoomans and pet ohners if yoo nead advise on diet, oh-bee-settee and egg-sir-size just kontact me and i will give you my advise free. fank yoo.

My hoomans done keep goin away but den dey cum bakc.

Luk, lets' be clear bout dis, ok? I does'nt get lonely or nuffink ok? Oh no cos I is a top cat; its' just der extra responsibilitees when dey go away, more gardin and patrolin and all dat.

Der woz der dutch peeples first time and dat was ok reely. Der next tiem I was all alone left in charge of der feemails and everyfink and Mimi come in to feed us and fings. Mimi is ver niece and she do stroke me and fings but she do'nt' stay long enuff so I was not ver happy. And runty dun get miserble and den she pee and we is lockt out of the kitchen and hour boles is mooved cos runty piss on der bred bin and der cooker hob and fings liek dat wot is not good at all and upset der hoomans enormousely!! And dis is not good and den we cant' get to hour bedrooms and fings wot realy piss runty off. Gwen go even quieter and sulky. But den Zoe cum back and dat woz not so bad and I cud visit her bedroom and fings - not cos i was missin hoomans oh no, it is to make shure dat she is alrite and not lonely or fry-tend and fings. And den der boles go back and all dat so its' betta.

Den my parents is hoam for too days and dey go too sea my bruvver Danl. Danel has mooved from Dorset Hilton (not Paris Hilton) to Dartmuff Road. I no dat Dartmouth Road is just on der corner, I can sea it from der front guardin. But yoo no, der is a nuvver dartmuth rode and its' near dartmuff and dats were he livs now. So dey go awey again and leave me wiv zo who is below me in der peckin order dont' forget wot is wy she went to colleage cos she was upset dat i was abuv her and that.

Now dey is home I is sittin on dem a lot speshally dad cos he needs to be maid to feel welcom and at home, I can take it or leve it and anyway he annoys me cos he cant' sit still for more than twenty minits wen i is tryin to have a kip on his lap and use his hand as a pillo. and dat maiks me cross and i swish my tale and den i jump down. he dont' appreeshiate me enuff. enny way dey is home now and not goin away.